Wednesday, April 2, 2008

Chamberlain Named 2008 AL Rookie of the Year

In a shocking move that goes against everything in the history of the game of baseball, the Baseball Writers' Association of America (BBWAA) announced this morning that after his dominant Opening Night 8th inning pitching performance last night(1 IP, 0 H, 0 R, 1 BB, 2 K) Joba Chamberlain has officially been named 2008 American League Rookie of the Year. While he was a rookie in 2007, he was called up late in the season on August 7th and only pitched in 19 games for a total of 24 innings. This did not qualify him as a rookie thus opening the door for the big fella from Lincoln, Nebraska to win this prestigious award in '08. Other high profile rookies like Jacoby Ellsbury of the Red Sox and Evan Longoria of the Rays AAA affiliate are no longer in the running for ROY honors since the polls have closed after the first day of the season. The AP reports Curt Schilling received a phone call this morning from a teary eyed Ellsbury whining and crying that he was more deserving of the award. Schilling, well-known for being the biggest idiot in the game, told the AP that Ellsbury didn't deserve the award because Joba had a better first game than he did.

Chamberlain's father Harlan was seen at Yankee Stadium last night and will be on hand for all games this week before returning to cornhusker country. Joba and Harlan have an extremely close relationship and Harlan is often seen at Yankee games pumping his fists and wearing his blue tooth earpiece at all times. Harlan was stricken with polio as a child growing up on a Winnebago American Indian reservation and spent most of his childhood in hospitals and foster homes. He now uses a motor scooter to get around, very similar to the scooter used by George Costanza when he fraudulently told Mr. Thomassullo at Play Now that he was in fact handicapped, leading the executive of the sport industry to purchase the motorized cart for him. HEL-LOOO!! La La La!

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