Tuesday, April 15, 2008

Unit Returns to the Hill with Flowing Mullet

The Big Mullet returned to the mound last night following a long hiatus after another back surgery, which cut his 2007 season short after a meager 10 starts. While the D-Backs lost the game 5-4, The Rand Man pitched a marvel of a game in his return, going 5 innings while giving up 3 hits, 4 walks and no earned runs while striking out an impressive 7 batters. In his return to the majors, it is ever-apparent that Johnson is back in the game for two distinct reasons:

1) He can ONLY pitch with a long, flowing mullet (displayed by his Kevin Brown-like performance in Yankee pinstripes sans mullet)

2) He has only returned for selfish reasons - he is 16 career wins shy of 300

With a solid season, Johnson has a shot at 300 wins, but at the age of 44, it seems like it's this year or never. Life after baseball will not be so bad either, as Randy has collected handsomely in his 20 major league seasons and it has been rumored that he is mulling over a multi-year deal to join NASCAR as a Mullet Analyst.

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