Wednesday, April 9, 2008

Braves CF Prospect Dumb Enough to Get Caught Using Undetectable Substance

A report out of Commissioner Allan H. Selig's office this morning confirms a report that Atlanta Braves top prospect, Centerfielder Jordan Schafer, has been suspended for 50 games for using Human Growth Hormone (HGH). Baseball America rated him No. 25 on its list of the top 100 minor league prospects. Schafer, 21, is playing for Mississippi in the AA Southern League. Atlanta planned to call up Schafer this season to the major league club.

"We are extremely disappointed that Jordan has violated the Commissioner's Performance Enhancing Drug Policy," Braves general manager Frank Wren said in a prepared statement. "We are supportive of the program and will continue to educate all of our players, even including those stupid enough to get caught using HGH, which is currently undetectable by any drug test. We will continue to support Jordan, who has admitted to being a moron by leaving HGH in his locker and openly discussing his use with fans while signing autographs. Should Jordan decide to grow a handlebar mustache in the coming weeks, Commissioner Selig has agreed to review the and possibly reduce the 50 game suspension because of the known fact that mustaches are freakin' awesome."

No comments: