Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Happy 99th, Shep!

"...Now Batting...Num-bah Two...Derek Jee-tah...Num-bah Two..."

Yesterday an American Sports icon turned 99 years of age and no I am not referring to former UCLA coach John Wooden who also struck the double-9's this month. Former Yankees PA announcer, nicknamed "The Voice of God," Bob Sheppard was honored on last night's FOX broadcast of the Yankees vs. Angels ALCS Game 4 when bozo Tim McCarver wished Shep a happy 99th birthday. It has long been assumed that the old fella was closing in on the century mark but last night was the first mention of Bob's actual age, something he has been trying to keep secret for many years (thanks McCarver!). Shep called his first game in 1951, a Yankee lineup that included Mickey Mantle, Joe DiMaggio, Phil Rizzuto and Yogi Berra. Bob was also the voice of the New York Football Giants for decades. Shep called his last game at the Old Yankee Stadium in 2007 and has been on the disabled list ever since with a case of pneumonia that has kept him out of the booth and on Joe Girardi's injury report. Since he left the booth, Yankee Captain Derek Jeter has insisted that nobody else announce him when he comes to bat so a record of Sheppard's voice was made to introduce Jeter for what promises is the rest of his career in pinstripes. Too strong of a soul to formally announce his retirement, Bob has been trying to get healthy in order to make his first appearance at the new Yankee Stadium. Today we honor a legend of the game as Bob Sheppard is on our minds and in our hearts. We love you, Shep!

"...Now batting...Num-bah foa-tee-five...Dan-ny...Tah-tah-bull...Num-bah foa-tee-five..."

Monday, August 31, 2009

RV99 Weekly Celebrity Sighting

New York Knick phenom David Lee was spotted waiting for a table outside on Sunday for an early dinner at Bar Pitti. They made him wait! We can add that bitterness to his unhappy contract talks with the Knickerbockers.

Thursday, July 9, 2009

RV99 C-List Celebrity Sighting of the Week

Eddie Kaye-Thomas (aka I banged Stifler's Mom!) and girlfriend Ari Graynor were spotted strolling east on 15th St. Big Ed's shirt could not have possibly been more wrinkled!

Thursday, July 2, 2009

RV99 Celebrity Sighting of the Week

Just Ask Asa!! They must really cake on the makeup for his TV appearances, dude looks OLD in real life!

Thursday, June 25, 2009

RV99 Celebrity Sighting of the Week

Raymond Curto, Mob Boss from the Sopranos was spotted strolling west on 15th St. with his hair nicely gelled back, looking cool as ever.

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Sports Hair of the Week

This week's Sports Hair of the Week / Studmuffin of the Century Award goes out to New York Yankees hurler Chien-Ming Wang. Early this morning Wang's wife, Chia-Ling Wu, gave birth to the couple's first child, son Justin Jesse. Hopefully this lifetime highlight will help the Taiwanese starting pitcher correct his form on the hill where he currently boasts an embarrassing 0-4 record with a whopping 14.34 ERA in 5 starts (none of which he even saw the 6th inning). While his pitching prowess needs significant work, his hairdo is another story. With what can certainly be considered an "Asian Mullet," C.-M.W. has a high arching butt-cut in the front with a swooping long triangular form hanging down in the back well below the cap. When pictured on the Yankee bench during Saturday's 15-0 drubbing of the New York Mess on the YES Network, Yankee RF and funnyman Nick Swisher was shown playing with the back of Wanger's hair. Although he is married to a "Cha-cha-cha-CHIA." Wang's 'do is au-natural and he is darn proud of it too! For his piss-poor efforts on the mound and incredible performance in the Asian Mullet-growing category, we here at RV99 honor Chien-Ming Wang with this week's Hair of the Week Award. Hopefully tomorrow, the pitcher can add his first win of the season against the lowly Nationals to his outstanding week. We shall wait and see...


In honor of the 20-year anniversary of Major League, RV99 is back and better than ever! Look out for more blogging in the coming days...

Friday, April 10, 2009

Rangers Slide into the Playoffs on King Henrik's Swedish Meatballs

With last night's 2-1 victory, the New York Rangers clinched a playoff birth thanks to a season of meager offensive performance and incredible goaltending by Henrik Lundqvist. Nikolai Zherdev leads the team with an embarassing 23 goals for an offense that has been sputtering since the early goings of the 2008-09 season. Lundqvist, on the other hand, has stymied opposing teams with his 2.42 GAA and .916 SV% this season, making countless big saves as his did last night late in the game on a shot by the hated Philadelphia Flyers. The Rangers currently sit in the #7 spot in the Eastern Conference with one game remaining and could face either the #2 seed in the Washington Capitals or the #1 seed Boston Bruins depending on what happens on Sunday in Philadelphia. The Blueshirts control their own destiny with a tiebreaker in wins over the Montreal Canadiens while both teams have 93 points. There must be something in those Swedish Meatballs!

Baseball is Back! Line of the Day...

Carl "Money in the Bank" Pavano: IP, 6 H, 9 ER, 3 BB, 1 K, 81.00 ERA

We miss you, Crazy Carl!

Monday, February 9, 2009

Edgardo Alfonzo Signs with the Giants...Yomiuri Giants, Hates Rice

Former New York Mets standout Edgardo Alfonzo, who has been out of the Major Leagues since 2006, has returned to professional baseball, signing a one-year contract with the Giants for $380,000. The 35-year-old Venezuelan had stints with the Mets, Giants, Angels and Blue Jays and now returns to the Giants, albeit in quite a different setting as he will be traveling across the world to Japan to play for the Yomiuri Giants. "It's an honor to become a member of the Giants and I'll play my hardest to contribute to the best Giants organization in the world," Alfonzo said Monday, as a subtle stab to his former San Francisco Giants who are undergoing a major rebuilding process in the post-Barry Bonds era. Since leaving the majors in '06, Edgardo has played in Mexico and in the independent Atlantic League. While Alfonzo was always sure-handed in the field, he now must overcome his greatest hurdle, rice. Said Alfonzo, "I look forward to playing ball in Japan but I absolutely loathe rice! It's all they eat out there so it should definitely be interesting." Alfonzo plans on making a stop at the Smithsonian Museum prior to departing for Japan where he will be loading up on astronaut food so he can avoid eating rice for as long as humanly possible. We here at RV99 wish Edgardo all the luck and hope that in bringing a second suitcase filled with canned and dried foods to the Far East, he can just say no to rice while playing professionally with the Giants. Good luck, Edgardo, go get 'em slugger!

Knickerbockers Blow 7-point Lead in Closing Minute, Fall to Blazers

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Pedroia Family Reels in MVP Trophy, Child Molestation Charges

This winter while Red Sox young second baseman Dustin Pedroia was celebrating improvements in his golf game after being ousted in the MLB Playoffs and also taking home the American League MVP Award, his older brother Brett was dealing with some issues of his own involving young adolescent boys and touching and kissing their wee-wee's. Woodland, California police say that 30-year-old Brett Pedroia was booked at the Yolo County jail Jan. 9 on two counts of oral copulation and lewd acts with a child under age 14. Both of these charges are felonies. He was released on $50,000 bail and a court hearing was set for Feb. 4. The crimes allegedly took place four years ago when the boy was just 8 years old, but the alleged victim only recently told one of his parents, who contacted authorities. Pedroia’s family owns a tire business in Woodland, a city of 53,000 people about 20 miles north of Sacramento. The defendant “may have worked for the family business.” Reportedly, Dustin Pedroia, 25, and his brother are not close and have not spoken in recent years and all of us here at RV99 would hope that once Dusty Pants has his first child, he keeps it as far away as humanly possible from his sick and perverted brother!

Friday, January 23, 2009

Grizzlies Fire Iavaroni, Name His Replacement

In a shocking twist of events, Memphis Grizzlies have fired Head Coach Mike Iavaroni after a season and a half of constant losing and replaced him with Borat Sagdiyev, a Kazakhstani immigrant with absolutely no experience playing or coaching the game of basketball. After the Grizz attempted to lure lip-smacking babbling former coach Avery Johnson from the ESPN booth and the little sucker declined, management decided to go in a different direction. When contacted by the Associated Press, Grizzlies Owner Michael Heisley stated, "In an ever-changing international game, we were looking to bring aboard a coach with a different cultural background, even if he is not familiar with how to properly use an American toilet." This is the first known hiring of a coach in professional sports who admittedly does not even know the rules of the sport but Mr. U,S and A is ready to meet the challenge head-on. Said Borat, "Coach wear a suit...Borat wear suit. Coach have sexy time with ladies...Borat make sweet sexy love to prostitutes. Coach tell players to do good...Borat will do very good! Very niiiiiiice! You will love my sister! Chin qui!"

ESPN Having Language Issues

Monday, January 12, 2009

Henderson, Rice Elected to Cooperstown

Today it was announced that the Baseball Writers' Association of America have elected Rickey Henderson and Jim Rice (in his 15th and final season of eligibility) to the Baseball Hall of Fame Class of 2009. Henderson was the most prolific leadoff hitter of all time while Rice was simply a solid player for only 10 seasons (RV99 is really just bitter about a Red Sox player gaining entrance to Cooperstown). Some other notable stats from this year's voting: Andre "The Hawk" Dawson received 361 votes (67% of the needed 75% for election), Mark McGwire actually received less votes than last year, netting 118 votes (21.9%), Yankee Captain and fan favorite Don Mattingly received 64 votes (11.9%), and old-timer extraordinaire and long-time hurler Jesse "The Body" Orosco received a single vote (0.2%)! It has not yet been determined which writer voted for Orosco or the quality of crack he was smoking while placing this vote, but either way seeing Orosco's name on the ballot provided several minutes of laughs and constant reminders of all those old man jokes made while the hefty lefty pitched deep into his 40s for at least half the teams in the majors! If I had to guess as to which writer placed his vote for 'ol Jesse, my money is definitely on Buster Olney, who looks like he could swallow at least 2 bottles of Johnny Walker Black Label and stumble onto his computer to make this ridiculous vote. Leave it to a former Vermont dairy farmer to make this absurd selection, thanks Buster!

Eli Looks Like Little Boy As Eagles Pick Apart Struggling Giants Offense

Friday, January 9, 2009

Happy New Year From Eddy Curry, a Beefy Burger and 2 Tasty Milkshakes!

Ricky Vaughan is back for an exciting year in '09! Keep an eye out for more ridiculous and zany articles in the new year.