Wednesday, December 3, 2008

RV99 Quote of the Day

"I am really happy to be back in Calgary, I love Canada. I just want to comment on how it's become like a common thing in the NHL for guys to fall in love with my sloppy seconds. I don't know what that's about. Enjoy the game tonight."


Tuesday, December 2, 2008

NRA Proudly Welcomes Newest Member

This morning Charlton Heston, Sarah Palin, Dick Cheney and other very liberal high-ranking members of the NRA welcomed in their newest member, Mr. Plaxico Burress of the New York Football Giants (soon to be of the California Penal League). While Burress prefers the use of his handy .40-caliber Glock 9 weapon while attending church functions, leisurely strolls and games of backgammon at home, he is well-known for his love of rifles while hanging out with his homeboys in Michigan near his alma mater, Michigan State. "Yo son, I ain't a Spartan for nut'n," Burress intelligently explained to ESPN Senior Writer John Clayton. While initial reports stated that Mr. Clayton was with spotted with the Burress crew at the Latin Quarters on Saturday evening popping bottles of Cristal while scooping up honeys and singing along to his favorite Lil' Wayne beats, Clayton insists he was at home in Seattle "gettin' jiggy wit it." While most NRA members enjoy shooting at mail boxes and anyone who is not Caucasian, Burress was still welcomed with open arms and honored for his shooting prowess. Said Heston, "Any individual who is capable of shooting himself in the thigh by accident should be proudly recognized as an NRA member for life." If convinced, Burress faces a minimum of 3 1/2 years in prison and as much as 15 years if he finds himself facing a difficult judge such as Art Vandelay of Waltham, MA. Reached by the Associated Press by phone prior to turning himself into authorities on Monday, Plaxico made the following statement: "I is innocent, ya know what I'm saying. It be false accasation with this whole thing with the glock, I ain't never even use one of them guns. I just want to thank the lord Jesus Christ for giving me the strength to play football at such a high level. I hope that Mayor Mr. Bloomberg eats his words because I be playing in de super bowl again dis year. I just wanna send a shout out to my girl Shaqueepha, my moms, my boy lil' Ray Ray, and all the folks over at the Popeye's on Atlantic Ave. in Brooklyn. Yo son, we be eatin' mad biscuits after this one, Plax is gonna win this case. Peace!" And so it stands, Plaxico graduate, Pro Bowl Wide Receiver, Super Bowl Champion, loving father and devout Christian puts his stamp on life, the streets, thug life and the NRA. Now the fate of this kind gentleman rests with the legal system in the wonderful state of New York.