With Chamberlain Set to Join Rotation, Yanks Find Their 8th Inning Guy

Yanks Make Bold Decision to Convert Joba to...Latvian Orthodox??

In a shocking twist of events after a lot of chatter and belching from Yankees Owner Hank Steinbrenner (aka Little Stein), Brian Cashman released information prior to last night's game and changed course on his previous intentions with superstar young gun pitcher Joba Chamberlain. Chamberlain, a starting pitcher for Nebraska in college, has been used as the setup man to Mariano Rivera, throwing heat and beating up geeks in the 8th inning before handing the ball over to the greatest closer in the history of baseball. There has been much discussion regarding moving Joba into a starting role to better benefit the team by using all of his talent. Cashman issued the following statement regarding the conversion of the prized young Yankee arm: "Joba will remain in the bullpen for now and will be working towards becoming a starter later in the season. While he will not be converting now per se, he will be converting in another way, that is to the Latvian Orthodox Church. Chamberlain grew up in an American Indian household but since meeting the love of his life, he is intent on avoiding 'The Kavorka' and making the conversion to Latvian Orthodox. We should all applaud Joba for his bold move and wish him and Sister Roberta nothing but the best of luck going forward."

The Joba Casserole...It's What's for Dinner!

"I lived at home until I was 20, and dinners are some of my fondest memories. My dad would cook this casserole, I'd dish it out for everyone, and we'd all sit and watch the game."
-JOBA CHAMBERLAIN, YANKEES

INGREDIENTS
Lots of Native American love!
One pound ground hamburger
Lemon pepper seasoning
Dried minced onion
One 12-ounce bag egg noodles
One 10d-ounce can regular cream of mushroom soup
One 14¬-ounce can sliced green beans
Four baked potatoes

INSTRUCTIONS
1 Preheat oven to 350°.
2 Place hamburger in frying pan; sprinkle pinch of lemon pepper seasoning and pinch of dried minced onion on meat.
3 Brown meat, drain grease and set aside.
4 Cook egg noodles in pot of boiling water until tender; drain.
5 Put noodles, cream of mushroom soup and green beans in bowl and mix; stir in hamburger meat.
6 Pour contents of bowl into 9"x13" casserole dish.
7 Bake in oven for 12 to 14 minutes, to desired crispness.
8 Place a baked potato on each plate and slice open; spoon a serving of casserole over each one.
9 Go out and throw 100-mile-an-hour heaters and make guys 15 years older look like fools!

Fall '08 Applications Still Being Accepted

Chamberlain Named 2008 AL Rookie of the Year

In a shocking move that goes against everything in the history of the game of baseball, the Baseball Writers' Association of America (BBWAA) announced this morning that after his dominant Opening Night 8th inning pitching performance last night(1 IP, 0 H, 0 R, 1 BB, 2 K) Joba Chamberlain has officially been named 2008 American League Rookie of the Year. While he was a rookie in 2007, he was called up late in the season on August 7th and only pitched in 19 games for a total of 24 innings. This did not qualify him as a rookie thus opening the door for the big fella from Lincoln, Nebraska to win this prestigious award in '08. Other high profile rookies like Jacoby Ellsbury of the Red Sox and Evan Longoria of the Rays AAA affiliate are no longer in the running for ROY honors since the polls have closed after the first day of the season. The AP reports Curt Schilling received a phone call this morning from a teary eyed Ellsbury whining and crying that he was more deserving of the award. Schilling, well-known for being the biggest idiot in the game, told the AP that Ellsbury didn't deserve the award because Joba had a better first game than he did.

Chamberlain's father Harlan was seen at Yankee Stadium last night and will be on hand for all games this week before returning to cornhusker country. Joba and Harlan have an extremely close relationship and Harlan is often seen at Yankee games pumping his fists and wearing his blue tooth earpiece at all times. Harlan was stricken with polio as a child growing up on a Winnebago American Indian reservation and spent most of his childhood in hospitals and foster homes. He now uses a motor scooter to get around, very similar to the scooter used by George Costanza when he fraudulently told Mr. Thomassullo at Play Now that he was in fact handicapped, leading the executive of the sport industry to purchase the motorized cart for him. HEL-LOOO!! La La La!