The Kelvin Sampson Chronicles

Former Indiana and Oklahoma University Men's Basketball Coach and admitted cheater Kelvin Sampson may not be jobless for long. Confirmed reports out of Milwaukee claim that newly hired head coach Scott "NBA Jam Session" Skiles has been making a strong push for the text-message savvy Sampson to join his staff as an assistant coach. When asked by the Milwaukee Cheese Journal, Skiles had this to say: "When a guy like Kelvin is available, you have to hire him. I mean the man has absolutely zero NBA coaching experience, hasn't been an assistant in over a decade and makes his living bending the rules. What organization wouldn't want to bring in someone of Kelvin's stature? He's coached at two big-time NCAA programs, been forced out at every stop he's made and his parents were so wound-up on crack when he was born that they didn't even know how to spell KEVIN! Sign him up, Buck-er-roos, here comes the Skiles and Sampson show. Season tickets sales just went through the roof!"