Dios Mio! Tejada Admits to Lying About Age

Earlier today, Houston Astros SS Miguel Enchilada, errrr, I mean Tejada spoke with General Manager Ed Wade regarding falsifying his age since he was drafted as a teenager by the Oakland Athletics. When he signed his first major league contract with the A's, he was actually 19 years of age while he claimed to be 17. This move had the brilliant backing of his coach at the time. This makes Tejada now 33 years old and not 31 as stated on the back of his baseball card. Said Wade: "Miggy was anxious to get this off his chest and he feels like a weight has been lifted following his admission. This could also be a better indicator of his statistical fall-off in recent years rather than all of the illegal steroids he's been shooting into his body since childhood in the DR." Tejada will now receive retirement benefits being that he is now considered a senior citizen and the Astros have announced that May 25th (Tejada's birthday) will be Miguel Tejada Grisly Adams Beard Night at the stadium, where all fans 21 and older will receive a long grey removable beard to honor their great old shortstop!