Thursday, October 30, 2008

Knicks Win in Season Opener / Q-Tip Concert / Soprano's Reunion

Daly Arrested Following Hooterrific Night

It has been known for years that John Daly loves booze, cigarettes and strip clubs. Now we all know he's a fan of Hooters as well, as shown this weekend by his antics at a Winston-Salem, NC Hooters restaurant. The portly golfer got so hammered on Saturday night that he blacked out at 1am and paramedics were called to the scene. Daly refused to go to the hospital with paramedics so as Hooters closed, the police were called in to take Daly to jail while the fat slob sobered up. This is a prime example of a Role Model my friends, we all have a lot to learn from this wonderful and respectable human being!

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

So Long, Dirty Player

First Tom Brady...then Laurence Rodney Harrison. As the stars of the New England Patriots slowly fall down, has anyone stopped to think maybe these guys got what they deserved? Brady is a cocky S.O.B. and everybody knows that. Maroney gets a pass here since he is young and has no super bowl rings. While Brady is my most hated athlete in sports, Harrison is a close second. Does anyone remember he was suspended last season for using HGH? For some strange reason, Rodney seemed to get a pass when it came to his use of illegal performance-enhancing substances. While the entire universe looked down upon all the baseball players mentioned in the Mitchell Report, everyone failed to notice that Harrison was abusing these substances just as much if not more than the next guy. The human body tends to break down following years of steroid and HGH use and this is exactly what happened to Rodney. The Boston Globe and other media outlets are reporting today that the torn quad suffered on Monday night has ended his season and "for all intents and purposes" his career as well. No tears being shed today by RV99 for the self-proclaimed dirtiest player in football. Harrison is not a first ballot hall of famer, he is not a pro bowler anymore and he is far from a class act. I hope the man disappears out of the game and we never hear from him again. Good riddens, dirty player!

RV99 Weeky Celebrity Sightings

Keira Knightley and Liv Tyler really need to stop taking the expression "mix in a salad" so literally!

Friday, October 17, 2008

Lesson to All: Do NOT Urinate Near Karaoke Establishment

In society today, there are many unspoken truths and "deals" in which people and animals are aware of. The most obvious of these rules in by no means are you to urinate outside of a karaoke club. Just like George Costanza and his so-called deal with the pidgeons (WE HAD A DEAL!), Chinese Ping Pong Gold Medalist Wang Hao, found himself quite flustered after the incident that occurred early Monday morning in China. Said Hao (through a translator): "I found myself overcome with joy that Toothless Rick the Karaoke guy had all my favorite hits - Living on a Prayer, My Father's Eyes, The Titanic Song, Gettin' Jiggy Wit It and Black Balloon, just to name a few. Prior to going up on stage to show the audience my singing skills are up to par with my ping ponging, I needed to "tinkle my winkle." Rather than just use the restroom, which is no fun at all, I decided to water the plants outside the karaoke bar. Apparently the staff was none too pleased with my attempts to improve the health of the grass outside and I was detained." Let this be a lesson to young Chinese ping pong players and people around the world who enjoy urinating outside.

Wednesday, October 1, 2008

Sports Hair of the Week

Now that is one angry man, that Al Davis! Yesterday afternoon the Owner of the Oakland Raiders made a very public appearance shortly after firing head coach Lane Kiffin and replacing him with Offensive Line Coach Tom Cable. While Davis mentioned lies and distrust at the main reasons for Kiffin's dismissal, one has to ponder the deeper roots (no pun intended) of the issue: Al Davis's MAGIC HAIR!

As Crazy Al gets older and older, he never loses that infamous "luster" with his jet black, slicked-back hair. These days a touch of silver has been added to the sides so that Davis's hair is clearly displaying the silver and black, Raiders team colors. While a good portion of his hair has fallen out over the years, Davis still uses the same 200-gram aerosol can of Armorall Wheel Protectant each day - 2 coats after his morning shower, 2 more just before arriving at work, 2 at lunch, 2 before dinner and one final coat before bed just for good luck!

While his decision not to bring chunkster Art Shell back for a third tenure with the organization was a good one, the jury is still out on former Idaho Head Coach and long-time NFL assistant Cable, who has the same amount of NFL head coaching experience Kiffin had prior to taking the same post (none). Aside from the magnitude and magnetism of Mr. Davis's hair, the other surprising move of the day came when Kiffin was dismissed for cause (conduct detrimental to the team) and therefore his termination came with no further payments from the team. This issue will surely be settled with NFL arbitrators but in a similar move in the 1980s, Davis fired now Broncos Head Coach Mike Shanahan and to this day Shanny is still yet to receive what he is owed for the remainder of his Raiders contract.

That all being said, Al Davis is this week's RV99 Hair of the Week winner and for his excellence in grease and Armorall use, this bud's for you, Al!