Friday, April 11, 2008

NJ Tech Hires Engles to Turn Around 0-29 Program

In a stunning move, New Jersey Institute of Technology has found a human being to take over their 0-29 men's basketball program. The sad soul's name is Jim Engles, a former assistant coach at Rider, Wagner and Columbia for the past 18 years. When reached by the AP for comment, Engles explained his decision to take the job at NJIT: "Everyone told me it was a dog job, but hey it's a head coaching position and nobody else in their right mind was willing to give me an opportunity like this. We have nowhere to go but up and I look forward to this new and exciting challenge." While posting victories is what Engles' number one priority will be, restoring some respect for the Newark, NJ program will go a long way and help the school put more than the 150 butts in the seats of the Fleisher Athletic Center than in the 2006 photo above. Engles has announced that his coaching staff will consist of former Sopranos actor Steven "Bobby Bacala" Schirippa and an Adult Film Star from Bloomfield, NJ by the name of Candy.

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