Wednesday, April 23, 2008

Isiah Lands in Latex, Agrees to Terms with Vandelay Industries

In a shocking turn of events, Isiah Thomas has left his post as [insert job title here] of the New York Knickerbockers to pursue a career in importing and exporting in the latex industry. Just yesterday it had been announced that in Thomas' reduced role with the Knicks, he would not work at MSG in a full-time capacity, nor would he be permitted to have any contact with the players. There had been whispers of Isiah leaving the organization to pursue other opportunities in basketball, however after failing to land the head coaching job for the middle school girls basketball team at a special needs school for the blind and the deaf in New York, Thomas knew his round ball days were behind him. "At Vandelay Industries, Mr. Thomas will be a Sales Coordinator and report to the Director of Operations. His duties will include clerical and administrative tasks as well as working towards the common goal of our company for the overall improvement of all latex and latex related products," said Art Vandelay, founder and president of Vandelay Industries. "He reeeeeaaaally wants to be my latex salesman!" When reached by the Daily News, Isiah commented on these reports, "I have enjoyed my tenure with the Knicks but there comes a time in every man's life where he must make the important decision to concentrate more on the exporting rather than importing of latex and latex related products. I relish this challenge." It was reported that Thomas accepted the position at Vandelay after mulling over similar offers from Play Now, a playground equipment manufacturer, The Human Fund, a charitable organization specializing in giving money to people, and Kramerica Industries (it is believed this company is involved in solving the earth's "oil problem.").

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