Fans Just "Dying" To See Mets

Justin Hayes, of Cumming, Georgia (this is a real town!) fell 150 feet to his death last night at Turner Field following the game between the Mets and Braves. A Braves spokesman said Hayes apparently fell from the club level to the landing on the field level during the eighth inning. Hayes may have been sliding down the handrails when he fell and there is a chance that alcohol was involved. Police are still investigating the incident. Earlier this season, a fan at Shea Stadium in New York was killed when he plunged four stories from an escalator during a game as his horrified children looked on. After these two horrid occurrences coupled with the Mets Collapse of '07, it is becoming more and more evident that fans are just dying to see the Amazins play!

Bobby Cox Making Switch to Smokeless Tobacco, Spotted at Jets Game Yelling at Chicks

In early March, the New York Mets announced that for the team's final season at Shea Stadium, there will be a complete ban on smoking inside the stadium. When longtime Atlanta Braves Manager Bobby Cox caught wind of this, he assumed the ban was only on cigarettes. "I think that's a great idea," Cox said after Monday night's 7-3 victory over Washington at Turner Field. Upon finding out the ban includes all types of smoking products, even cigars and blunts, known to be favorites of the large-bellied skipper, Cox became livid. "The clubhouse doesn't count," Cox quipped. The Braves play 9 games at Shea this season and Cox has already begun researching smokeless tobacco products and has consulted 'dip aficionado' Lenny Dykstra for some advice as to which product to use the next time he comes to New York.


This past September, Cox was seen at a New York Jets football game at the Meadowlands vs. the Steelers. At halftime, Cox went to the stairwell to puff on the remains of his tailgate blunt and was spotted pressed firmly up against the railing pumping both fists in the air screaming and encouraging young co-eds: "T-I-T-S! TITS! TITS! TITS! Show Your Tits! Show Your Tits!" Following this scene, a Steelers fan complained to local police and the stairwell has been shut down ever since. Thanks for ruining a good thing for us, Bobby!

Braves CF Prospect Dumb Enough to Get Caught Using Undetectable Substance

A report out of Commissioner Allan H. Selig's office this morning confirms a report that Atlanta Braves top prospect, Centerfielder Jordan Schafer, has been suspended for 50 games for using Human Growth Hormone (HGH). Baseball America rated him No. 25 on its list of the top 100 minor league prospects. Schafer, 21, is playing for Mississippi in the AA Southern League. Atlanta planned to call up Schafer this season to the major league club.

"We are extremely disappointed that Jordan has violated the Commissioner's Performance Enhancing Drug Policy," Braves general manager Frank Wren said in a prepared statement. "We are supportive of the program and will continue to educate all of our players, even including those stupid enough to get caught using HGH, which is currently undetectable by any drug test. We will continue to support Jordan, who has admitted to being a moron by leaving HGH in his locker and openly discussing his use with fans while signing autographs. Should Jordan decide to grow a handlebar mustache in the coming weeks, Commissioner Selig has agreed to review the and possibly reduce the 50 game suspension because of the known fact that mustaches are freakin' awesome."