Friday, May 9, 2008

'Waste of Life' Makes Start for Yanks Tonight, Fans Pray for Rain

As the Yankees take the field in Detroit this evening to begin a three-game series against the Tigers, desperation is written all over the Yankee organization. Dignified bum and waste of air, Kei Igawa takes the hill tonight for the Bombers, as relief pitchers Ross Ohlendorf and Jonathan Albaladejo will be up and warm in the bullpen in the first inning in acticipation of Igawa not being able to record a single out against major league hitters. Igawa struggled with the Yankees last year, to put it kindly. In three stints with the team, he was 2-3 with a 6.25 ERA, walked 37 batters in 67 2/3 innings and spent a lot of time in the Minors, where he was 6-5 combined at Class A Tampa and Triple-A Scranton-Wilkes Barre. As Yankees GM Brian Cashman noted, Igawa has been working on and cultivating his extraordinary Japanese mullet or "Jullet" as Cash likes to refer to it. "We wasted a cool $20 million bringing Kei over from Japan since his pitching is abysmal and at times a joke, however he does have an incredible head 'o hair. The jullet hangs below the cap in the back and it is a true party at all hours of the day!" Cashman has been questioned this season for putting together a suspect pitching staff and refusing to trade young guns Phil Hughes and Ian Kennedy in order to obtain lefty Johan Santana, who eventually landed in Queens with New York's second class organization. Will Igawa be the straw that stirs the drink for the Yanks in '08 and help catapult them into the playoffs? The answer is not yet known but if the Japanese pitcher lasts more than one start in the majors, it should be cause for celebration.

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