Roll Out Those Bids, Auction for Sushi Dinner With Dice-K Officially Open

...Eggroll please...and the winner, with a high bid of $729,029.00 iiiiiis..........KEI IGAWA!! Congratulations, Kei!Who doesn't want to just chuck a brick at the heads of these two D-bags?!?

Dodgers Have Seen Enough of Jones

Joe Torre was all smiles in the Dodgers dugout last night after news broke that his "star" center fielder, the .167 hot-hitting Andruw Jones, may need knee surgery. After undergoing an MRI, results revealed a slight cartilage tear in his right knee. Torre, after looking at his shiny gold wristwatch, believes the tear could have occurred during one of Jones's numerous strikeouts this season. Jones signed a two-year, $36.2 million contract with the Dodgers in the offseason after playing his entire steroid-laced career with the Atlanta Braves. Always known as a 5-tool player, Jones has somehow misplaced that hitting tool, as he has a meager 2 home runs and 7 RBI in 2008 and has been batting in the 8-hole for L.A. Jones hopes to put off surgery until after the season, but the Dodgers have a different approach. Said GM Ned Coletti: "This farce hit 51 and 41 home runs for the Braves in '05 and '06, respectively. We gave him big money and he blows goats! I hope he gets surgery right now and spends the rest of the season hanging out and training with Carl Pavano! Man I can't wait to collect on the insurance policy I took out for this human waste of life!"

Worst Pitcher in Baseball Sent Back Down to Minors Carrying 18.00 ERA

"I am disappointed that I was not able to produce the results that I wanted, as well as what was expected out of the team," Igawa said in a statement. "Moving forward, I will continue to work hard to be able to contribute to the team in the future." What are the chances that this statement was made WITHOUT a translator?!? Ian Kennedy was recalled to make yesterday's start in Kei Igawa's place and after surrendering five earned runs over five innings, it was clear that the youngster while rusty, is still a million times better than Igawa, who should have his eye on a lefty specialist role for a little league for kids with special needs or at least on the McDonalds Classifieds section.

Igawa Stinks it up AGAIN!

Kei Igawa's Friday Evening Epic Performance:

3.0 IP, 11 hits, 6 earned runs, 0 strikeouts, 0 walks, 18.00 ERA, Loss, 0-1.

As predicted in my 5/09/08 12:10pm post entitled 'Waste of Life' Makes Start for Yanks Tonight, Fans Pray for Rain, Igawa put together a miserable performance and my prediction was affirmed when everyone's favorite reliever Jonathan Albaladejo came in to spell the waste of life (and Johnny hurt his elbow in his third inning of work in relief - thanks, KEI!).

'Waste of Life' Makes Start for Yanks Tonight, Fans Pray for Rain

As the Yankees take the field in Detroit this evening to begin a three-game series against the Tigers, desperation is written all over the Yankee organization. Dignified bum and waste of air, Kei Igawa takes the hill tonight for the Bombers, as relief pitchers Ross Ohlendorf and Jonathan Albaladejo will be up and warm in the bullpen in the first inning in acticipation of Igawa not being able to record a single out against major league hitters. Igawa struggled with the Yankees last year, to put it kindly. In three stints with the team, he was 2-3 with a 6.25 ERA, walked 37 batters in 67 2/3 innings and spent a lot of time in the Minors, where he was 6-5 combined at Class A Tampa and Triple-A Scranton-Wilkes Barre. As Yankees GM Brian Cashman noted, Igawa has been working on and cultivating his extraordinary Japanese mullet or "Jullet" as Cash likes to refer to it. "We wasted a cool $20 million bringing Kei over from Japan since his pitching is abysmal and at times a joke, however he does have an incredible head 'o hair. The jullet hangs below the cap in the back and it is a true party at all hours of the day!" Cashman has been questioned this season for putting together a suspect pitching staff and refusing to trade young guns Phil Hughes and Ian Kennedy in order to obtain lefty Johan Santana, who eventually landed in Queens with New York's second class organization. Will Igawa be the straw that stirs the drink for the Yanks in '08 and help catapult them into the playoffs? The answer is not yet known but if the Japanese pitcher lasts more than one start in the majors, it should be cause for celebration.

Sale of the Century - Get Your Pavano Doll Now!