Tuesday, May 20, 2008

Dodgers Have Seen Enough of Jones

Joe Torre was all smiles in the Dodgers dugout last night after news broke that his "star" center fielder, the .167 hot-hitting Andruw Jones, may need knee surgery. After undergoing an MRI, results revealed a slight cartilage tear in his right knee. Torre, after looking at his shiny gold wristwatch, believes the tear could have occurred during one of Jones's numerous strikeouts this season. Jones signed a two-year, $36.2 million contract with the Dodgers in the offseason after playing his entire steroid-laced career with the Atlanta Braves. Always known as a 5-tool player, Jones has somehow misplaced that hitting tool, as he has a meager 2 home runs and 7 RBI in 2008 and has been batting in the 8-hole for L.A. Jones hopes to put off surgery until after the season, but the Dodgers have a different approach. Said GM Ned Coletti: "This farce hit 51 and 41 home runs for the Braves in '05 and '06, respectively. We gave him big money and he blows goats! I hope he gets surgery right now and spends the rest of the season hanging out and training with Carl Pavano! Man I can't wait to collect on the insurance policy I took out for this human waste of life!"

No comments: