Monday, March 10, 2008

Wild Thing's Spring Training Blog - Bright House Networks Field

Welcome all to Ricky Vaughn 99, your one-stop destination for all things obnoxious in sports!

PLEASE NOTE: For those of you who are easily offended, this may not be the blog for you...

My first posting takes us down to Clearwater Beach, FL where I just returned from my Spring Training scouting trip. Spring home to the Philadelphia Phillies, Bright House Networks Field is the home the Single-A affiliate Clearwater Threshers (FYI a 'Thresher' is a type of shark). Replacing the old Jack Russell Stadium in 2004, Bright House had some big shoes to fill. However, the folks at HOK Sports and Ewing Cole had the brilliant idea to keep the single most important piece from the old stadium...the Tiki Bar! Some more observations on the stadium and the game between the Phillies and Tampa Bay Rays:

- The Phillies did an excellent job looking like a small-time organization by strategically placing former closer and World Series goat Mitch "Wild Thing" Williams at a table five feet from the stadium entrance selling his 'No chunk Wild Thing Salsa' and signing autographs for runny-salsa enthusiasts. After the fourth inning, Mitch needed to be carted out on a stretcher due to a bad case of writers cramp from the six total autographs he signed (ta dow, a fellow #99!).

- Despite claims that he is a heterosexual male baseball player, Rays Rookie Phenom Shortstop Evan Longoria has had sexual relations with San Antonio Spurs Point Guard Tony Parker on numerous occasions.

- Phillies Starting Pitcher Adam Eaton is considering using the underhanded arc softball pitch this season as he has acknowledged he is completely incapable of retiring a major league hitter.

- Alcohol is served at the Tiki Bar during the game.

- The Tampa Bay Rays have officially named Don Zimmer's enormous head as team mascot.

- New Phillies 3rd Baseman Pedro Feliz has asked reporters to refer to him as "Peter Happy" going forward.

- The Phillies have more National League MVP Award Winners in the past two years (2 - Howard and Rollins) than playoff wins.

- Tampa Bay OF Elijah Dukes was unable to provide his list of 'How to Beat Women' due to him being shipped to the Washington Nationals in exchange for "funny money" for use at the Mons Venus strip club in Tampa.

- Did I mention there is a Tiki Bar in left field?!?

...Until next time, Ricky "Wild Thing" Vaughn!

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