Friday, June 20, 2008

Get In My Belly! Schill Shelved for the Season

It has been a rough week for American League East pitchers as Anchorage, Alaska native Curt Schilling joins Chien-Ming Wang on the "Oh Crap He's Done for a While" list. At 41 years of age, the big chunky right hander may be getting dangerously close to the end of the road. Interviewed this morning on WEEI-AM (some crappy Boston radio station, I presume), Schill announced that he is slated for season-ending shoulder surgery on Monday and after 20 seasons in the major leagues and no contract for the 2009 season, this has all the indications that Curt intends to hang up his cleats at season's end. lists Schilling at 6'5" 225 lbs, a similar falsification to David Wells' listed height and weight. While he tips the scales at nearly three bills, Schill justifies the 225 number because that was his weight at his high school graduation. "The Big Unit (seen LEFT, about to lock lips with Schilling) has a big crush on me so I must be a real fox! When we were together in Arizona his beautiful flowing mullet and mustache combo was irresistible!" When asked what he intends to do with his fat ass once his career is over Schill pointed to his passion for World War II memorabilia and his love for barbecuing. "Basically, if I can wear camo and roll around the ground while grilling kobe beef steaks and chatting about how great John McCain is, I'd be a real happy bastard."

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