Friday, January 23, 2009

Grizzlies Fire Iavaroni, Name His Replacement

In a shocking twist of events, Memphis Grizzlies have fired Head Coach Mike Iavaroni after a season and a half of constant losing and replaced him with Borat Sagdiyev, a Kazakhstani immigrant with absolutely no experience playing or coaching the game of basketball. After the Grizz attempted to lure lip-smacking babbling former coach Avery Johnson from the ESPN booth and the little sucker declined, management decided to go in a different direction. When contacted by the Associated Press, Grizzlies Owner Michael Heisley stated, "In an ever-changing international game, we were looking to bring aboard a coach with a different cultural background, even if he is not familiar with how to properly use an American toilet." This is the first known hiring of a coach in professional sports who admittedly does not even know the rules of the sport but Mr. U,S and A is ready to meet the challenge head-on. Said Borat, "Coach wear a suit...Borat wear suit. Coach have sexy time with ladies...Borat make sweet sexy love to prostitutes. Coach tell players to do good...Borat will do very good! Very niiiiiiice! You will love my sister! Chin qui!"

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