Opening Day at Yankee Stadium Rained Out

Kids skipping school to go to the game are devastated...

..As are the Dippin' Dots vendors

It's Tinkle Time

When it comes to getting caught doing strange acts of bodily discharge, Kenyatta Jones is king. The Gainesville, FL native was the first player drafted into the NFL from the University of South Florida. In 2003 while playing for the New England Patriots, Jones was released after throwing a bucket of scolding hot water on a teammate while he was sitting on the toilet.

Currently a member of the Tampa Bay Storm of the Arena Football League, Jones just found himself in hoter water again (pun intended) when he was caught urinating on the dance floor at The Blue Martini bar in Tampa. He was arrested just before 2am on Saturday and charged with battery on a law enforcement officer and resisting arrest after allegedly shoving an off-duty police officer who was working security for the bar. It sure is a good thing that he zipped up before going buck wild on those cops!

Sean Avery Stars as.....Client #10!

Multiple news outlets have reported over the weekend that Rangers LW Sean Avery's name was found in Kristin Davis's blackbook in the same prostitution ring as former New York State Senator Eliot Spitzer. In fact, the two even share the same nickname - "The Animal."

Avery has denied allegations and swears he remains faithful to his one and only love, Michelle Tanner. When asked for comment, Tanner provided only the following statement: "You're in big trouble, mister!" Apparently there is some confusion as to whether the statement was issued towards Avery or for teen heartthrob and lead singer of The Rippers, [Uncle] Jesse Konsopolous. Avery's Ranger teammates do not seem to be taking this matter seriously as they were reportedly "laughing hysterically" during a recent practice.

How to "Make it Rain" by Pacman Jones

1. Make sure you are "thug life."
2. Enter a very high end strip club.
3. Find sexy strippers dancing around poles.
4. Take a wad of cash out of pocket and throw it all over the strippers on stage and you have officially made it rain! YEAAAAAAAAH BOYYYYYYY!

Greg Oden Get Some Action...

However, the "action" occured far from a basketball court. Oden was recently scorned by Trailblazers Coach Nate McMillan and team management for participating in pick up games only six months after undergoing microfracture knee surgery. Is Oden the next Sam Bowie? We shall see.

Yankees Head Trainer Gene Monahan Honored for Simply Being Awesome

For the past 35 years, there has been only one head athletic trainer in the New York Yankee duguout wearing a skin-tight, belly-bearing Yankee polo shirt and that man is none other than New York State Athletic Trainers’ Association Hall of Famer Gene Monahan. Most well-known as the guy who sprayed bug spray all over Joba Chamberlain in last year's ALDS in Cleveland, Monahan's talents go well beyond properly executing a spray bottle. Said Yankee Captain Derek Jeter, "Monny has the softest hands in the business. I can lay out on the massage table spread eagle and let Gene-O rub those magic fingers all over my body for hours." A-Rod added, "When I'm not yearning for Derek Jeter or Jessica Canseco to rub me down, Monny is the first person I look to." It is ever apparent that Monahan is one of the most respected members of the Yankee organization and for simply being a super awesome dude, Ricky Vaughn 99 salutes you, Gene Monahan!

Egg McMuffin Inventor Passes Away at 89

Knicks Fat Guys Eddy Curry and Zach Randolph mourn the death of Herb Peterson and hope the timing of his death will catapult the Egg McMuffin to the top of the Dollar Menu.

My deepest apologies for two consecutive Eddy Curry-related posts but I just couldn't pass this one up!

Knicks Defeat Heat in OT Thriller

No Stephon Marbury? No Eddy Curry? No Nasty Nate Robinson? Hey, no problem! In a battle between the doormats of the Eastern Conference, the Knicks defeated the Miami Heat last night in Overtime by the score of 103-96. Apparently the crowd of 19,209 at MSG failed to receive the memo that Shaq was traded to the Suns and D-Wade is out for the season. Those poor paying folks were forced to sit through a game in which the Heat starting lineup was as follows:

PG - Chris Quinn
SG - Daequan Cook
SF - Ricky Davis
C - Mark Blount
C - Earl Barron

You are reading this correctly as Pat Riley did indeed start 2 centers. Riley has been so busy traveling the country scouting Kansas State PF Michael Beasley that he is now just chucking games in hopes of getting the #1 overall pick - pretty sad for a team that is just two years removed from a World Championship. Someone needs to remind Riles that it's all about the ping pong balls.

Wade sure looks like the second coming of Penny Hardaway and who knows if they will even be able to sign Shawn Marion to a long-term deal. Rumors are that the Chicago native Wade has his sights set on joining the Bulls once he can opt out of his contract following next season. Other rumors swirling the league have Riley switching brands of gel prior to the season, which could explain the tail off performance of his team. The new product is a "SUPER HOLD" whereas his brand since his days winning championships with the Lakers was a "EXTRA HOLD." I guess super just isn't holding up to extra standards.

Mavs Owner Cuban to Suit up for Injured Dirk

Now this photo is just disturbing!

Mike T. was there

Contrary to reports that the New York Jets have been looking to trade the 6th overall pick in this year's NFL Draft to the New England Patriots for their 6th and 7th round selections, the Jets do intend to use their 1st round pick to select a player. Yesterday, Jets General Manager (and second half of the Tangini equation) Mike Tannenbaum was spotted at Darren McFadden's private workout at the University of Arkansas. Could this mean that Gang Green actually has an interest in the most athletic and talented player in this year's draft? One would certainly hope.

Red Sox Can't Win 'em All

For the third consecutive year, Major League Baseball opened its regular season with a 2-game series at the Tokyo Dome in Japan. The Oakland Athletics and Boston Red Sox played to a split, just as the Mets and Cubs did last season and the Yankees and Devil Rays did the year before. A's LF Emil Brown made up for his huge baserunning blunder in extra innings of the first game, hitting a 3-run home run in Game 2 that prepelled the A's to a 5-1 victory behind a very strong 6 inning, 9 strikeout pitching performance from oft-injured hurler Rich Harden. Red Sox DH David Ortiz went 0-7 in the series and Boston is rumored to be considering a trade with the Yankees sending Ortiz and CF Jacoby Ellsbury to New York in exchange for Carl Pavano and the wax inside Jason Giambi's ears.

Red Sox General Manager Theo Epstein had this to say after today's loss: "While Ortiz has the potential to hit 60 home runs in a season and provide great clubhouse leadership, Pavano and the ear wax may be too hard to pass up. I mean, Carl is a bona fide 10-injury-a-year guy and right now, with injuries to Beckett and Schilling, we need to remain consistent. We are also thinking about signing retired pitcher Tommy John as well as watching the waiver wire on a hourly basis to see what the Rockies are going to do with Marcus Giles."

A-Rod Wanted to Make Sexy Time With Ex-Mrs. Canseco

According to the website of freelance writer Joe Lavin, Alex Rodriguez "pursued Canseco's wife" while the two sluggers were teammates with the Texas Rangers. This information along with allegations that Canseco introduced A-Rod to his steroids distributor will be released on April 1st with Canseco's new book, "Vindicated: Big Names, Big Liars, and The Battle to Save Baseball." When asked to comment on the claim of the steroids distributor, A-Rod said, "I really, absolutely have no reaction." As far as the allegation regarding Canseco's wife, Rodriguez responded, "I don't know how to answer that. I mean, is Jessica smokin' hot? Absolutely. Did I want to hit that back when I was with Texas and before I married my wife Cynthia? Man, who wouldn't! Do I like to pose questions and then answer them myself? You better believe it, sista!"

Like Father Like Son

Jonathan Roy is the son of former NHL Goaltender, long time Montreal Canadian and well-known fighter Patrick Roy (pronounced WAH...don't even ask!). Jonathan, 19, is the backup goalie for the Quebec Major Junior Hockey League's Quebec Renhears, a team coached by his father. In a first round playoff game on Saturday, a brawl began in the 2nd period. Roy skated across the ice and challenged the opposing goalie, who had no interest in fighting. After breaking loose from the referees several times, Roy skated back over and ripped off the other goalie's mask before pummeling him in the face numerous times with both fists. Roy then got into an altercation with a defenseman on the opposing team. Roy received a minor, 2 majors and 2 game misconducts and was suspended for 7 games (Coach Patrick Roy received a 5 game suspension). A total of 120 penalty minutes were handed out. The most amusing part about this whole terrific story is that father Patrick was encouraging this from the bench while Jonathan skated off the ice he flipped not one, but TWO BIRDS to the crowd! You can't make this stuff up.

Orange Try to Advance to Final 4 of Loser's Tournament

Syracuse plays UMASS tonight at 7pm at the Carrier Dome on ESPN with the winner advancing to the Final 4 of the NIT / Loser's Tournament next week at Madison Square Garden. The Orange are 1-2 this season at MSG and lost at home to UMASS earlier this season after Marcus Camby had a career game...actually Camby hasn't played at UMASS since 1996, the last time UMASS was a competitive program. Special shout out to Carmelo Travieso, the most exciting player on that Minutemen team with Camby and second greatest college basketball player named Carmelo. The winner of the game will face off against either Arizona State or the national champion from the past two seasons, the Gators from Florida. Winning the NIT Tournament would be a nice consolation for a very talented Orange team that lost two integral members to knee injuries early in the season.

Sorry Gammons...Longoria Sent Down to Minors

I am a huge Peter Gammons fan, love the guy's knowledge and insight into the game. Peter is almost always right about everything, with two major exceptions: 1) The Red Sox suck, and 2) Evan Longoria will NOT win American League Rookie of the Year. Gammons has never been so adamant about anything as he was in his bold prediction about Longoria. Sorry Pedro, maybe next year.

What is Donnie Walsh Thinking??

Joseph Donald Walsh, Jr. (better known as Donnie Walsh) has just made the biggest mistake of his life. A native New Yorker, Walsh has left his post as CEO of the Indiana Pacers to come home and fix the Knicks in a similar position as President of Basketball Operations. Not only is Walsh coming in to a franchise mired in losing with a roster filled with long-term big money contracts that complement talent representative of a girls junior varsity team, but he must report to the world's most hard headed boss, Jimbo Dolan. If you think the bags under Donnie's eyes look huge now, just wait until three sleepless years ahead trying to get other NBA teams to make the mistakes Isiah made and accept players like Eddy Curry and Stephon Marbury in trades. Walsh has a very difficult task here in restoring glory back to New York, where the Knicks were a playoff caliber team every year following Patrick Ewing's arrival from Georgetown. But the Big Kahuna is no longer in the mix and now it is Walsh's responsibility to turn over a roster that currently has some very large fat men, guys with 'who knows what' on their shoulders, and guys who cheat on their wives in the back of SUV's with team interns. Did somebody mention that LeBron James becomes a free agent next season and is a known New York fan? Hopefully Donnie can open up those bags under his eyes, pick up Bron-Bron and ship him home to NYC where he belongs. But his first move as team president will come the day he moves in to his new office, when he finally lays the golden axe on the worst GM and Coach in NBA History, Isiah Lord Thomas III.

Sports Hair of the Week - Gene Keady

Former Purdue Men's Basketball Coach Gene Keady is this week's winner of the Sports Hair of the Week award. Keady was the basketball coach at Purdue University from 1980-2005 before taking a position with the Toronto Raptors as an Assistant Coach. Keady only lasted one year in Toronto and now serves as a college basketball analyst for the Big Ten Network, where he was recently honored as having the best hair on the network. Nicknamed "The Keady Combover," Gene is notorious for having his hair plastered on a weekly basis. Rather than using gel or mousse, Keady feels that shoe polish provides a much stronger hold and can remain in tact through winds of up to 40 mph.

The Nose Knows

Former Yankees and current Dodgers Manager Joe Torre showing off the size of his schnozz during his press conference at Dodger Stadium. Noticably absent from this photo is Torre's sister, Sister Rae. Former Dodgers Manager Tommy Lasorda has warned Torre about the lack of good Italian food on the west coast, which is a major concern for the Torre family.

Mets Manager Willie Randolph Names Opening Day Starter

In the offseason following the worst regular season collapse in Major League Baseball history, the New York Mets and General Manager Omar Minaya knew there was work to be done on the current roster. Top prospect Lastings Milledge was shipped out of town to Washington in exchange for light hitting OF Ryan Church and no-hitting C Brian Schneider. High school skirt-chaser Paul Lo Duca was not retained due to the acquisition of Schneider. Most importantly, the Mets pulled off an enormous trade with the Minnesota Twins and 2-time Cy Young Winner Johan Santana now makes his home in Queens. With the addition of Santana along with the return of a healthy Pedro Martinez, the Mets look to be one of the teams to beat in the National League.

This morning, Manager Willie Randolph shocked the world by announcing that neither Santana, Martinez nor the young John Maine will be making the opening day start for the Metropolitans. The start will go to comedian and Mets fan Jerry Seinfeld. Move over Billy Crystal, Garth Brooks and Tom Selleck - we are not talking about one spring training at bat here. Seinfeld has been working extensively with Mets Pitching Coach Rick Peterson and will be bringing three distinct pitches to the mound on March 31st:

- Fastball (even faster than the traffic on the Arthur Burkhart Expressway after Kramer pained over the lane hash marks!)

- Curveball (even more of a twist than a new, non-conformist holiday like Festivus!)

- Screwball (even kookier and more filthy than "The Bet" episode!)

As you can tell from the photo above, Seinfeld throws from a 3/4 angle and also has a Jeff Nelson-esque frisbee-like slider. It will be interesting to see how the comedian does on the hill later this month.

Monday Morning Odd Sports Image

What are these guys even doing and why do they look overly comfortable in the positions they are in?!?

Strangest (and Most Horrifying) Injury of the Year

The Associated Press has reported that Houston Astros 2B Kazuo Matsui has undergone surgery to repair an "anal fissure" but the team hopes to keep their newly acquired speedster off the disabled list. When asked about Matsui, Rockies Manager Clint Hurdle told the AP that team doctors have recommended Matsui have his anus sewn closed and Matsui is heavily considering doing so and limiting his diet to corn and Frosted Flakes. He has also been instructed that in lieu of toilet paper, he must use household duster pads to wipe for 12-16 weeks.When consulting Wikipedia, the following definition was provided:

ANAL FISSURE: An unnatural crack or tear in the anus skin. As a fissure, these tiny tears may show as bright red rectal bleeding and cause severe periodic pain after defecation.[1] The tear usually extends from the anal opening and located posteriorly in the midline. This location is probably because of the relatively unsupported nature of the anal wall in that location.

Yikes! Hopefully doctors have prescribed a healthy mix of painkillers and Colt 45 for Kaz because it sounds like a painful recovery. Phone calls in to Steve Phillips, Omar Minaya, Bobby Valentine, Willie Randolph, Jim Duquette and the entire New York Mets organization were not returned. It is fairly clear the Mets resent Matsui deeply for his poor performance in New York and quick turnaround into a decent ballplayer the moment he left the Big Apple. Unfortunately with his anal condition, Matsui won't be eating big apples anytime soon.

Sports Mustache of the Month

Sorry Keith Hernandez, sorry Goose Gossage but the First Ricky Vaughn 99 Mustache of the Month Award goes to a well-deserving Rollie Fingers. Fingers originally grew his famous "Handlebar" mustache is order to receive a $300 bonus from Oakland A's Owner Charles O. Finley! Fingers is most notably remembered as one of the first pitchers to be groomed (no pun intended) as a relief pitcher during his minor league career. In 1981 Fingers both the American League MVP and Cy Young awards while pitching for the Milwaukee Brewers and is one of 8 players in Major League history to have his number retired by more than one team.

Currently Rollie Fingers is the Pitching Coach at Friends Seminary High School in New York City where his son, Chicken Fingers, is the star pitcher and shortstop for the baseball team. When asked if he one day hopes to grow a mustache as thick, full and lustrous as his father's, Chicken just flapped his arms and shrugged his shoulders before heading down to the cafeteria to look for some honey mustard dipping sauce.

Ooops - Uniform Maker Misspells Hamilton!

2005 Scripps National Spelling Bee Champion Anurag Kashyap is NOT happy about it!

More [seeds] is Better - The Darren McFadden Edition

Following his 37th arrest since being drafted by the Tennessee Titans in 2005, Adam "Pacman" Jones is the reason behind why most NFL teams now examine "character" issues along with speed, strength, endurance and overall football talent. Federal Prison Inmate #07746381 (Michael Vick) is another prime example of how character flaws can get in the way of a successful football career.

University of Arkansas Junior Running Back and Heisman Trophy Finalist Darren McFadden has been experiencing a drop in his draft stock over the past two months since he declared himself eligible for the 2008 NFL Draft in late April. Projected as the #1 overall player in this year's draft by Mel Kiper Jr. and his understudy Todd McShay (sans the truly amazing Kiper hair -- P.S. Mel may be up for Hair of the Week Award come draft time), McFadden has fallen out of the top 5 in recent mock drafts due to character flaws that date back to his days at Arkansas.

So what are these character issues McFadden is being accused of? Honestly, it's nothing new. Once Darren declared for the draft, he did what most college students would do, he celebrated and partied hard. While doing so, he also managed to impregnate a female student. Many famous athletes of our generation have ties to illegitimate children, most notably former NBA player Shawn Kemp. However, during his celebratory time, McFadden did not just impregnate one innocent girl, but rather four (4)! Yes, you are reading this correctly - currently there are four pregnant women out there with McFadden's seeds inside them. Therefore, McFadden could certainly use a first-round pick's contract for alimony.

This information begs the question: Would you want Darren McFadden on your team? The answer is undoubtedly yes. Not only is McFadden a top notch RB talent, the type of player who is being compared to last year's Rookie of the Year Adrian Peterson, but he is an all-out playmaker with supreme athleticism. I always say I want my team to get the biggest, strongest, angriest thug player available and nobody fits this mold between than the Arkansas standout. Hopefully come draft day, Bill Parcells, Herm Edwards and the rest of the bad teams at the top of the board pass on Darren and he falls to the New York Jets at #6. Not only is New York the greatest city in the world, but it is filled with over 8 million inhabitants of which over 50% are female...and you know what that means for McFadden...sexxxy time!!

20,000 Screaming MSG Fans Chant "Re-Sign Avery"

Another huge game for the Left Winger, 2 goals in a 4-2 Rangers victory at home against the Sidney Crosby-less Penguins. Not only was Avery awarded as the #1 Star of the Game, but received the most cherished prize any athlete can dream of...a post-game interview with MSG Network Living Legend Al "The Pummel Horse" Trautwig and a $50 Gift Certificate to Frankie & Johnnie's Steakhouse!

They must have all read that Ricky Vaughn 99 Thursday 3/13/08 post!

Ricky Vaughn 99 Organist Lifetime Achievement Award - Eddie "Tickle The Ivories" Layton

* NOTE: Amazingly this photo was taken 45 minutes after he was pronounced dead.

Ladies & Gentlemen, Your Attention Please. Now Batting...

...Designated Hitt-ah, Num-bah Foah-tee-five, Daaa-nny Tar-tah-bull.....Num-bah Foah-tee-five.

Bob Sheppard - Get well soon, your presence is missed in the Bronx. Here's to a quick recovery.

Sports Hair of the Week - Freddie Mitchell

A big Ricky Vaughn salute goes out to former Philadelphia Eagles Wide Receiver Freddie "FredEx" Mitchell. In an effort to locate the best Tony Kornheiser photo from the internet, this outstanding Mitchell photo was someone displayed in my search. The "Korn Man" will appear in a later edition of H.O.W. (Hair of the Week). If only Mitchell's hands were a fraction as awesome as his hair is, he'd still be playing on Sundays.

Hey Bartender - Jobu Needs a Refill!

What on Earth is on Jamal Crawford's Shoulder?!?

Some time in January, New York Knicks Shooting Guard Jamal Crawford showed up to work with a large circular bandange covering his left shoulder. He has played the past two months with the asthetically unappealing bandage and has actually been one of the lone bright spots for the last place franchise. There has been much discussion in the media lately regarding 'what the heck' is on Jamal's shoulder. Ricky Vaughn 99 has added some possibilities on what could be wrong with the sharpshooter's shoulder:

- Bandage is covering an IV that provides Crawford with a steady flow of HGH throughout the game

- An attempt to tip the scales at a beefy 145 lbs. (Jamal thought the bandage would weigh him down an extra pound or two)

- Bandage is hiding the device ET used to "phone home"

- A box of Junior Mints is hidden under the bandage in case Jamal gets hungry during the game

- He recently had a device implanted into his shoulder with a button that plays the University of Michigan fight song (Coach Isiah Thomas, an Indiana alum, has forced Crawford to cover up the 'disrespectful act')

- Bandage is covering up his Chicago Bulls tattoo which Crawford just had inked on his shoulder because he was so drunk after a 5-game losing streak he actually thought he was still on the Bulls

I actually read that Crawford sprained the shoulder in a game in January against the Milwaukee Bucks which leads me to my next question: How on earth does wearing a band-aid improve range of motion or anything else?? We all must scratch our heads on this one, but as long as the Knickerbockers keep dominating the tabloids section of the papers, how can we complain?!?

Here's to You...Meatball Parm Hero

After long weekends of heavy drinking while watching intense college basketball conference tournaments, what's the best relief for a Sunday afternoon hangover?

The answer time and time again is the same: MEATBALL PARM HERO. So pick up that phone, get your local pizza place on the line, and order yourself a nice big juicy hero with a side of Orange Gatorade and tell them Ricky Vaughn sent you!

Sports Hair of the Week Part II

Minimal words needed here. Just open your eyes and take a look at this beast of a human being and thank the lord each and every day that he finally took a buzzer to those awful blonde locks.

In other news, the Los Angeles Clippers have signed New York City basketball legend and disgruntled Miami Heat PG William "Smush" Parker for the remainder of the season. Smush hopes to make an immediate impact on his new team and has already told LA reporters that he will not stand for Kaman to grow his hair out again.

Lock Up Avery

Not often in the NHL does an "enforcer" have any actual hockey skills. Former player Ty Domi and current bruisers Donald Brasheer and Darcy Tucker are good examples of players that play hard, fight often but lack any real hockey ability. This is not the case for New York Rangers Left Wing Sean Avery. Acquired before the trade deadline last season from the Los Angeles Kings, Avery is the heart and soul of this Rangers team that is currenly riding a hot streak for the ages having not lost a game in regulation since February 7th against the Ducks. Avery has missed some time this season with shoulder and knee injuries but when he is healthy and on the ice, Sean is like no other player in the league. He complements Jaromir Jagr nicely and has been a defining impact on rookie sensation and line mate Brandon Dubinsky. Not only does Avery knock opponents on their rear end and play tough-as-nails hockey, but he sets up his teammates and has been on a scoring barrage lately. When asked about Darcy Tucker of the Toronto Maple Leafs, Avery said, " Darcy has always been a whiner. You say you don't like his hair and he'll be upset." With his contract set to expire at season's end, now is the time for Glen Sather and Rangers management to lock up Avery to a multi-year deal and keep the dynamic player and person in New York for the forseeable future.

Crystal Goes Down Swinging

BREAKING NEWS: Leading off the bottom first inning for the New York Yankees, Designated Hitter Billy Crystal struck out swinging against Pirates SP Pat Maholm on a 3-2 pitch.

Before going down on strikes, the lovable actor/comedian fouled a pitch down the first base line, which will go down in history as his claim to fame along with City Slickers and his unusually large forehead. The Yankees signed Crystal today to a 1-day contract to honor the long-time fan the day before his 60th birthday. Crystal received a standing ovation from the crowd at Legends Field that included fellow actor, friend and cocaine addict Robin Williams.

"Next Year is Our Year"

New York Jets fans are all too familiar with this phrase. Now it pertains to Syracuse basketball. After losing top scorer Eric Devendorf and sharp shooter Andy Rautins to ACL injuries, the young Orange put together an admirable season, but fell short of their dreams to reach the NCAA Tournament with yesterday's Big East Tournament Opening Round loss to the Wildcats of Villanova. With a healthy Devo and Andy combined with the probable returns of Freshman sensations Donte' Greene and Jonny Flynn, Syracuse looks to be a major force in 2008-09.

The Cuse has also added the handsome devil in the photo above, the 6'6" Peekskill, NY small forward Mookie Jones. Expected to compete for a starting spot, The "Mook Man" explained in a recent interview with the AP that, "I'm like an X factor because I look and smell like a homeless person. When I step on the court, opponents are so disgusted by my look and smell, nobody wants to body up and defend me. I mean, Scout.com described me as looking like Shawn Marion. Eeeeek! Get outta my way, fool." Jones is a product of the same high school as NBA Injured List Extroadinaire Elton Brand. The Orange have also locked up current high school seniors Kris Joseph from DC (orginally from Can-a-da!) and James Southerland out of Fitchburg, MA. Should all players return from this season, expect Syracuse to be in the Top 10 in analysts' pre-season rankings.

Legends Field: Where Legends are Born

In 1996 prior to their first World Championship in over a decade and a half, the Yankees moved their Spring Training operations from Fort Lauderdale some four hours north to Tampa, where a first-class complex was built directly across the highway from Tampa Bay Buccaneers' Raymond James Stadium.

During my spring scouting trip, the first thing on my list of things to do was attend a game at Legends Field, which will be fittingly re-named Steinbrenner Field in the next few months. Here are some observations from the Astros vs. Yankees game I was in the house for:

- The seats were built for very fat people. I have never seen such wide comfortable seats in a ballpark. Seats are also angled towards home plate so that you don't even have to slightly move your lazy neck to see every pitch.

- I highly recommend "The Scooter Dog" for a mere $2.50, this was the only stadium item less expensive than at Bright House Networks Field (hot dogs there were $3).

- In his first appearance of the Spring, Mariano Rivera failed to disappoint, pitching a perfect inning of relief after Andy Pettitte started the game and went three strong innings.

- Goose Gossage has a mustache. He was in the dugout in full uniform and his 'stache has been officially confirmed. Congrats to the recent Hall of Fame inductee on his facial hair growing prowess.

- Brett Gardner has some serious wheels and a gun too. Mid-level OF prospect started the game in left field and chipped in with an impressive outfield assist where he nailed a runner at the plate on a great throw from left field and also had an RBI triple.

- Former Yankee pitcher and current Astro Shawn Chacon started the game for the 'stros wearing uniform #1. I don't think a pitcher has ever worn the 'Numero Uno' on his back but let's just wait and see if Chacon even makes the squad before we get our panties in a bunch.

- No Tiki Bar = by far and away the only disappointing part of this experience.

- A Mini Monument Park resides right outside the stadium entrance, yet another classy move by this timeless organization.

- Great place for single 60+ males to pick up some hot chicks.

I would highly recommend a trip to Legends Field to all baseball fans, families, Vietnam War Veterans, people with Down Syndrome and most importantly for those with multiple personalities. It is a welcoming place for all to come, relax, and enjoy a completely meaningless baseball game!

Sports Hair of the Week

The first Sports Hair of the Week Award goes to New York Rangers play-by-play announcer Sam Rosen. Sam has been calling Rangers games on the radio and for MSG Network since 1937 and has not taken a day off since his bar mitzvah. Sam has a very special kind of combover where he fools the crowd into thinking he has a full head of hair. While no hair grows on the top of his head anymore, Sam compensates by being able to grow a mean balding pony tail. Each Monday morning, he goes to his barber, who wraps the hair up and around the top of Sam's head and - voila - Sammy's got a full head o' hair! Take especially careful note that the hair in the front and when looking close enough, it is apparent that it hovers about 2 inches above the top of his head like an angel. Kudos to Sam for rocking this hairstyle for the past 35 years, keep doing what you're doing.