Oops ESPN, That's Not Jerry Porter

Incredible Deals on Favre Jets Gear, Act Now!

ESPN Having Language Issues

Eli Looks Like Little Boy As Eagles Pick Apart Struggling Giants Offense

NRA Proudly Welcomes Newest Member

This morning Charlton Heston, Sarah Palin, Dick Cheney and other very liberal high-ranking members of the NRA welcomed in their newest member, Mr. Plaxico Burress of the New York Football Giants (soon to be of the California Penal League). While Burress prefers the use of his handy .40-caliber Glock 9 weapon while attending church functions, leisurely strolls and games of backgammon at home, he is well-known for his love of rifles while hanging out with his homeboys in Michigan near his alma mater, Michigan State. "Yo son, I ain't a Spartan for nut'n," Burress intelligently explained to ESPN Senior Writer John Clayton. While initial reports stated that Mr. Clayton was with spotted with the Burress crew at the Latin Quarters on Saturday evening popping bottles of Cristal while scooping up honeys and singing along to his favorite Lil' Wayne beats, Clayton insists he was at home in Seattle "gettin' jiggy wit it." While most NRA members enjoy shooting at mail boxes and anyone who is not Caucasian, Burress was still welcomed with open arms and honored for his shooting prowess. Said Heston, "Any individual who is capable of shooting himself in the thigh by accident should be proudly recognized as an NRA member for life." If convinced, Burress faces a minimum of 3 1/2 years in prison and as much as 15 years if he finds himself facing a difficult judge such as Art Vandelay of Waltham, MA. Reached by the Associated Press by phone prior to turning himself into authorities on Monday, Plaxico made the following statement: "I is innocent, ya know what I'm saying. It be false accasation with this whole thing with the glock, I ain't never even use one of them guns. I just want to thank the lord Jesus Christ for giving me the strength to play football at such a high level. I hope that Mayor Mr. Bloomberg eats his words because I be playing in de super bowl again dis year. I just wanna send a shout out to my girl Shaqueepha, my moms, my boy lil' Ray Ray, and all the folks over at the Popeye's on Atlantic Ave. in Brooklyn. Yo son, we be eatin' mad biscuits after this one, Plax is gonna win this case. Peace!" And so it stands, Plaxico Burress...college graduate, Pro Bowl Wide Receiver, Super Bowl Champion, loving father and devout Christian puts his stamp on life, the streets, thug life and the NRA. Now the fate of this kind gentleman rests with the legal system in the wonderful state of New York.

Interesting Ailment for Vincent Jackson

According to Yahoo Sports, San Diego Chargers Wide Receiver Vincent Jackson has been afflicted by the ailment of "dropitis." Hopefully this injury is not serious enough for a visit to Dr. James Andrews of Birmingham, Alabama!

Starting 11 of Ridiculous Names in Football

1. BenJarvus Green-Ellis (RB - New England Patriots)
2. Marshawn Lynch (RB - Buffalo Bills)
3. LenDale White (RB - Tennessee Titans)
4. Craphonso Thorpe (WR - Kansas City Chiefs
5. Plaxico Burress (WR - New York Giants)
6. Devery Henderson (WR - New Orleans Saints)
7. Braylon Edwards (WR - Cleveland Browns)
8. DeSean Jackson (WR - Philadelphia Eagles)
9. Visanthe Shiancoe (TE - Minnesota Vikings)
10. Ladell Betts (RB - Washington Redskins)
11. D'Qwell Jackson (LB - Cleveland Browns)

Jets Knock Off Pats, Take Firm Control of First Place in AFC East as Mangini Teaches The Art of Hugging

Friday Name Game

Who will have the most success on Sunday?

a) New Detroit Lions QB Daunte Culpepper
b) Jacksonville Radio Personality and Barbecue aficionado Cole Pepper
c) Crisp vegetable Green Pepper

Send your votes in now!

Sports Hair of the Week

Now that is one angry man, that Al Davis! Yesterday afternoon the Owner of the Oakland Raiders made a very public appearance shortly after firing head coach Lane Kiffin and replacing him with Offensive Line Coach Tom Cable. While Davis mentioned lies and distrust at the main reasons for Kiffin's dismissal, one has to ponder the deeper roots (no pun intended) of the issue: Al Davis's MAGIC HAIR!

As Crazy Al gets older and older, he never loses that infamous "luster" with his jet black, slicked-back hair. These days a touch of silver has been added to the sides so that Davis's hair is clearly displaying the silver and black, Raiders team colors. While a good portion of his hair has fallen out over the years, Davis still uses the same 200-gram aerosol can of Armorall Wheel Protectant each day - 2 coats after his morning shower, 2 more just before arriving at work, 2 at lunch, 2 before dinner and one final coat before bed just for good luck!

While his decision not to bring chunkster Art Shell back for a third tenure with the organization was a good one, the jury is still out on former Idaho Head Coach and long-time NFL assistant Cable, who has the same amount of NFL head coaching experience Kiffin had prior to taking the same post (none). Aside from the magnitude and magnetism of Mr. Davis's hair, the other surprising move of the day came when Kiffin was dismissed for cause (conduct detrimental to the team) and therefore his termination came with no further payments from the team. This issue will surely be settled with NFL arbitrators but in a similar move in the 1980s, Davis fired now Broncos Head Coach Mike Shanahan and to this day Shanny is still yet to receive what he is owed for the remainder of his Raiders contract.

That all being said, Al Davis is this week's RV99 Hair of the Week winner and for his excellence in grease and Armorall use, this bud's for you, Al!

Titans of New York Coach Eric Mangini Attempts to Remember if he has Consumed 2 or 3 First Half Hot Dogs

Sports Mustache of the Month - Starvin' Marvin Harrison

While thick and bushy mustaches are more common these days at NASCAR and Demolition Derby events around the Syracuse area, this SU alum sports one of the cleanest looking 'staches in sports. Marvin Daniel Harrison, Peyton Manning's go-to wide receiver since being drafted out of Syracuse in 1996, is one with the mustache. The Philadelphia native has made a career out of keeping his mouth shut while hauling in numerous catches, Pro-Bowls and chicks in every NFL city. In 2002, Harrison shattered Herman Moore's single season receptions record by 20. He finished with 143 catches and over 1,700 yards. Starvin' Marvin had a tough year in 2007 where he was hampered by a knee injury that forced him out most of the season. Now in 2008, Marvin is back on the block with something to prove aside from growing a very neat and clean mustache (and being an excellent milk drinker as displayed in the photo above!). For your receiving talents, milk drinking capabilities and most importantly mustachial grace, RV99 awards Marvin Harrison as the September 2008 Mustache of the Month!

RV99 Weekly Celebrity Sighting

Never known as a large physical specimen, it was amazing to see Tiki Barber's shrimpy 5'7" frame in person. While Tiki is a big fan of the cheese smile, not until seeing him at a Manhattan restaurant this week did I know the former running back was such a big BBQ fan!

1st Place Jets...

Daunte Culpepper Part Two??

Did RV99 Mention Brett Favre is a Jet?!?

Get your official Brett Favre New York Jets Jersey, Home or Away!

New York Brett's

Get ready for the fun ride, Jets fans!

Favre Cancels Retirement, Comes Back on Some Geek's Wall as a Fat Head

Jags WR Jones Affirms Jay-Z Lyrics

"...So much coke that you could run the slalom!"

Strahan Expected to 'Fill the Gap' With New FOX Sports Gig