Sports Hair of the Week

Hockey fans around the globe all wish Jaromir Jagr well as he leaves the National Hockey League behind to pursue a hockey career in Russia with the same franchise where he played three years ago during the NHL lockout. Always one of the games best and most well-known players, Jagr had a very successful career on the East Coast with the Pittsburgh Penguis, Washington Capitals and New York Rangers. While his locks were not as glorious towards the tail end of his career, as a younster J.J. boasted one of the greatest mullets in hockey history. In a sport where the mullet is a common as a 12-letter last name, Jagr's was still that damn impressive. Not only did Jagr's hair have the imperative "business in the front and a party in the back" look, but the flowing curls and very lengthy back truly made this a wonder of mankind. NHL fans will miss the Czech native and the New York Rangers must move on without their captain. Let's all wish Jaromir the best of luck in the future and a giant RV99 shout-out for his mulletuous fortunes over the past two decades.

Mulletastic! Melrose Returns to the Bench to Coach Lightning

In board rooms in Bristol, CT today ESPN big wigs are shedding tears for the loss of their #1 NHL analyst, the one and only flowing mulletuous Barry Melrose. While Barry is still alive, healthy and kickin', he has decided to leave the all-sports network to become Head Coach of the Tampa Bay Lightning. Melrose began his coaching career in 1987 when he led the Medicine Hat Tigers to the WHL's Memorial Cup Title. He also coached the Seattle Thunderbirds for the 1988-89 season and the Adirondack Red Wings of the American Hockey League for three seasons (1989-92). Melrose guided the Red Wings to the Calder Cup championship in 1991. He also served as the team's general manager during his final two seasons. While he is certainly known for his knowledge of the sport of hockey and impressive coaching resume, EVERYONE and their mother knows about Barry's sweet, precious, beautiful, well-groomed mullet!

BREAKING/UPSETTING NEWS: Barry Melrose Trims Back of Mullet

Unit Returns to the Hill with Flowing Mullet

The Big Mullet returned to the mound last night following a long hiatus after another back surgery, which cut his 2007 season short after a meager 10 starts. While the D-Backs lost the game 5-4, The Rand Man pitched a marvel of a game in his return, going 5 innings while giving up 3 hits, 4 walks and no earned runs while striking out an impressive 7 batters. In his return to the majors, it is ever-apparent that Johnson is back in the game for two distinct reasons:

1) He can ONLY pitch with a long, flowing mullet (displayed by his Kevin Brown-like performance in Yankee pinstripes sans mullet)

2) He has only returned for selfish reasons - he is 16 career wins shy of 300

With a solid season, Johnson has a shot at 300 wins, but at the age of 44, it seems like it's this year or never. Life after baseball will not be so bad either, as Randy has collected handsomely in his 20 major league seasons and it has been rumored that he is mulling over a multi-year deal to join NASCAR as a Mullet Analyst.