In a shocking turn of events, Isiah Thomas has left his post as [insert job title here] of the New York Knickerbockers to pursue a career in importing and exporting in the latex industry. Just yesterday it had been announced that in Thomas' reduced role with the Knicks, he would not work at MSG in a full-time capacity, nor would he be permitted to have any contact with the players. There had been whispers of Isiah leaving the organization to pursue other opportunities in basketball, however after failing to land the head coaching job for the middle school girls basketball team at a special needs school for the blind and the deaf in New York, Thomas knew his round ball days were behind him. "At Vandelay Industries, Mr. Thomas will be a Sales Coordinator and report to the Director of Operations. His duties will include clerical and administrative tasks as well as working towards the common goal of our company for the overall improvement of all latex and latex related products," said Art Vandelay, founder and president of Vandelay Industries. "He reeeeeaaaally wants to be my latex salesman!" When reached by the Daily News, Isiah commented on these reports, "I have enjoyed my tenure with the Knicks but there comes a time in every man's life where he must make the important decision to concentrate more on the exporting rather than importing of latex and latex related products. I relish this challenge." It was reported that Thomas accepted the position at Vandelay after mulling over similar offers from Play Now, a playground equipment manufacturer, The Human Fund, a charitable organization specializing in giving money to people, and Kramerica Industries (it is believed this company is involved in solving the earth's "oil problem.").
Showing posts with label Isiah Thomas. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Isiah Thomas. Show all posts
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
Isiah Lands in Latex, Agrees to Terms with Vandelay Industries
In a shocking turn of events, Isiah Thomas has left his post as [insert job title here] of the New York Knickerbockers to pursue a career in importing and exporting in the latex industry. Just yesterday it had been announced that in Thomas' reduced role with the Knicks, he would not work at MSG in a full-time capacity, nor would he be permitted to have any contact with the players. There had been whispers of Isiah leaving the organization to pursue other opportunities in basketball, however after failing to land the head coaching job for the middle school girls basketball team at a special needs school for the blind and the deaf in New York, Thomas knew his round ball days were behind him. "At Vandelay Industries, Mr. Thomas will be a Sales Coordinator and report to the Director of Operations. His duties will include clerical and administrative tasks as well as working towards the common goal of our company for the overall improvement of all latex and latex related products," said Art Vandelay, founder and president of Vandelay Industries. "He reeeeeaaaally wants to be my latex salesman!" When reached by the Daily News, Isiah commented on these reports, "I have enjoyed my tenure with the Knicks but there comes a time in every man's life where he must make the important decision to concentrate more on the exporting rather than importing of latex and latex related products. I relish this challenge." It was reported that Thomas accepted the position at Vandelay after mulling over similar offers from Play Now, a playground equipment manufacturer, The Human Fund, a charitable organization specializing in giving money to people, and Kramerica Industries (it is believed this company is involved in solving the earth's "oil problem.").
Monday, April 21, 2008
Thank you Donnie Walsh!
"Following a lot of discussion and thought, I made the decision that Isiah will no longer coach the team,” Walsh said during a late-afternoon conference call. “I value Isiah and his knowledge of the game, and he will remain with the organization, reporting directly to me...I can’t really tell you where he failed with the club,” Walsh said. “I feel like some of the bigger events that happened on the way with Isiah have overshadowed some of the good things he’s done for the franchise. I think he can help us with this franchise.”Thomas will not have a job title and will have nobody in the organization reporting to him!
Wednesday, April 16, 2008
Monday, April 14, 2008
Who is the real Hot Dog?
In an act unheard of in the city of New York, the Knickerbockers are bribing fans to attend "Fan Appreciation Night" this evening to see the lowly Knicks take on the NBA's best Boston Celtics by offering free food and soft drinks to all fans who attend the game. In an effort to say "thanks...and we know how badly we suck" the Knicks have unveiled plans to dress Head Coach and General Manager Isiah Thomas in a hot dog suit to wear on the sidelines as fans jeer and throw tomatoes at the unpopular and incompetent coach.
This madness is sure to be a complete mess as fans will push and fight one another for sure-to-be watered down fountain sodas and "dirty water dogs." Vegas Odds for the free pretzels to actually be fresh are showings odds of 56:1, ironically the same amount of losses for Jim Dolan's boys this season. PLEASE NOTE: Baked beans and fruit cup (pictured above) will not be offered on the gratis menu.
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