Ricky Vaughn 99

Happy 31st Birthday, KEI IGAWA!

2010-07-13T11:00:00.002-04:00

Bon Voyage, Manute Bol

2010-06-21T11:21:00.004-04:00

It is a sad day as we mourn the passing of former NBA great and 7'7" giant Manute Bol at the young age of 47. Bol was born on October 16, 1962 in Sudan. Bol died from acute kidney failure and complications from Stevens–Johnson syndrome. The son of a Dinka tribal chief, Manute means "special blessing." Bol came for a family of extraordinarily tall men and women: "My mother was 6 feet 10, my father 6 feet 8 and my sister is 6 feet 8," he said. "And my great-grandfather was even taller — 7 feet 10." As a boy, Bol had tended his family’s cattle. According to a tale he was often asked to repeat in interviews, he once killed a lion with a spear while he was working as a cow-herder.

Bol was very active in charitable causes throughout his career. In fact, he said he spent much of the money he made during a 10-year NBA career supporting various causes related to his war-ravaged nation of birth, Sudan. As a true Activist for his native Sudan, Manute established the Ring True Foundation in order to continue fundraising for Sudanese refugees. He gave most of his earnings (an estimated $3.5 million) to their cause. In 2002, Fox TV agreed to broadcast the telephone number of his Ring True Foundation in exchange for Bol's agreement to appear on their Celebrity Boxing show. After the referee goaded, "If you guys don't box, you won't get paid," he scored a third-round victory over former football player William "The Refrigerator" Perry. In the fall of 2002, Bol signed a one-day contract with the Indianapolis Ice of the Central Hockey League. Even though he couldn't skate, the publicity generated by his single game appearance helped to raise money to assist children in Sudan. Bol once suited up as a horse jockey for similar reasons. A true gentle giant and all-around good guy, we at Ricky Vaughn 99 salute Manute for all of his charitable contributions. He will be missed.

According to ESPN, Woods to Admit "Martial Infidelity"

2010-02-18T12:15:00.004-05:00

Jumping the Gun...New York Jets Style!

2010-01-21T15:19:00.003-05:00

(Peyton is a PUSSY!!!)

RV99 Weekly Celebrity Sighting

2009-11-17T14:12:00.006-05:00

Congrats, Jimmy B!

2009-11-17T14:10:00.000-05:00

Happy 99th, Shep!

2009-10-21T11:17:00.003-04:00

"...Now Batting...Num-bah Two...Derek Jee-tah...Num-bah Two..."

Yesterday an American Sports icon turned 99 years of age and no I am not referring to former UCLA coach John Wooden who also struck the double-9's this month. Former Yankees PA announcer, nicknamed "The Voice of God," Bob Sheppard was honored on last night's FOX broadcast of the Yankees vs. Angels ALCS Game 4 when bozo Tim McCarver wished Shep a happy 99th birthday. It has long been assumed that the old fella was closing in on the century mark but last night was the first mention of Bob's actual age, something he has been trying to keep secret for many years (thanks McCarver!). Shep called his first game in 1951, a Yankee lineup that included Mickey Mantle, Joe DiMaggio, Phil Rizzuto and Yogi Berra. Bob was also the voice of the New York Football Giants for decades. Shep called his last game at the Old Yankee Stadium in 2007 and has been on the disabled list ever since with a case of pneumonia that has kept him out of the booth and on Joe Girardi's injury report. Since he left the booth, Yankee Captain Derek Jeter has insisted that nobody else announce him when he comes to bat so a record of Sheppard's voice was made to introduce Jeter for what promises is the rest of his career in pinstripes. Too strong of a soul to formally announce his retirement, Bob has been trying to get healthy in order to make his first appearance at the new Yankee Stadium. Today we honor a legend of the game as Bob Sheppard is on our minds and in our hearts. We love you, Shep!

"...Now batting...Num-bah foa-tee-five...Dan-ny...Tah-tah-bull...Num-bah foa-tee-five..."

RV99 Weekly Celebrity Sighting

2009-08-31T10:40:00.002-04:00

New York Knick phenom David Lee was spotted waiting for a table outside on Sunday for an early dinner at Bar Pitti. They made him wait! We can add that bitterness to his unhappy contract talks with the Knickerbockers.

RV99 C-List Celebrity Sighting of the Week

2009-07-09T15:57:00.002-04:00

Eddie Kaye-Thomas (aka I banged Stifler's Mom!) and girlfriend Ari Graynor were spotted strolling east on 15th St. Big Ed's shirt could not have possibly been more wrinkled!

RV99 Celebrity Sighting of the Week

2009-07-02T09:46:00.000-04:00

Just Ask Asa!! They must really cake on the makeup for his TV appearances, dude looks OLD in real life!

RV99 Celebrity Sighting of the Week

2009-06-25T09:42:00.001-04:00

Raymond Curto, Mob Boss from the Sopranos was spotted strolling west on 15th St. with his hair nicely gelled back, looking cool as ever.

Sports Hair of the Week

2009-06-16T15:21:00.004-04:00

This week's Sports Hair of the Week / Studmuffin of the Century Award goes out to New York Yankees hurler Chien-Ming Wang. Early this morning Wang's wife, Chia-Ling Wu, gave birth to the couple's first child, son Justin Jesse. Hopefully this lifetime highlight will help the Taiwanese starting pitcher correct his form on the hill where he currently boasts an embarrassing 0-4 record with a whopping 14.34 ERA in 5 starts (none of which he even saw the 6th inning). While his pitching prowess needs significant work, his hairdo is another story. With what can certainly be considered an "Asian Mullet," C.-M.W. has a high arching butt-cut in the front with a swooping long triangular form hanging down in the back well below the cap. When pictured on the Yankee bench during Saturday's 15-0 drubbing of the New York Mess on the YES Network, Yankee RF and funnyman Nick Swisher was shown playing with the back of Wanger's hair. Although he is married to a "Cha-cha-cha-CHIA." Wang's 'do is au-natural and he is darn proud of it too! For his piss-poor efforts on the mound and incredible performance in the Asian Mullet-growing category, we here at RV99 honor Chien-Ming Wang with this week's Hair of the Week Award. Hopefully tomorrow, the pitcher can add his first win of the season against the lowly Nationals to his outstanding week. We shall wait and see...

BACK BY POPULAR DEMAND!

2009-06-16T15:14:00.001-04:00

In honor of the 20-year anniversary of Major League, RV99 is back and better than ever! Look out for more blogging in the coming days...

Rangers Slide into the Playoffs on King Henrik's Swedish Meatballs

2009-04-10T11:34:00.004-04:00

With last night's 2-1 victory, the New York Rangers clinched a playoff birth thanks to a season of meager offensive performance and incredible goaltending by Henrik Lundqvist. Nikolai Zherdev leads the team with an embarassing 23 goals for an offense that has been sputtering since the early goings of the 2008-09 season. Lundqvist, on the other hand, has stymied opposing teams with his 2.42 GAA and .916 SV% this season, making countless big saves as his did last night late in the game on a shot by the hated Philadelphia Flyers. The Rangers currently sit in the #7 spot in the Eastern Conference with one game remaining and could face either the #2 seed in the Washington Capitals or the #1 seed Boston Bruins depending on what happens on Sunday in Philadelphia. The Blueshirts control their own destiny with a tiebreaker in wins over the Montreal Canadiens while both teams have 93 points. There must be something in those Swedish Meatballs!

Baseball is Back! Line of the Day...

2009-04-10T11:31:00.001-04:00

Carl "Money in the Bank" Pavano: IP, 6 H, 9 ER, 3 BB, 1 K, 81.00 ERA

We miss you, Crazy Carl!

Oops ESPN, That's Not Jerry Porter

2009-02-19T12:34:00.001-05:00

BREAKING NEWS: Brashear Adds Fighting, Hockey to List of Things He Sucks At

2009-02-12T16:24:00.001-05:00

Incredible Deals on Favre Jets Gear, Act Now!

2009-02-12T14:29:00.002-05:00

Edgardo Alfonzo Signs with the Giants...Yomiuri Giants, Hates Rice

2009-02-09T15:16:00.007-05:00

Former New York Mets standout Edgardo Alfonzo, who has been out of the Major Leagues since 2006, has returned to professional baseball, signing a one-year contract with the Giants for $380,000. The 35-year-old Venezuelan had stints with the Mets, Giants, Angels and Blue Jays and now returns to the Giants, albeit in quite a different setting as he will be traveling across the world to Japan to play for the Yomiuri Giants. "It's an honor to become a member of the Giants and I'll play my hardest to contribute to the best Giants organization in the world," Alfonzo said Monday, as a subtle stab to his former San Francisco Giants who are undergoing a major rebuilding process in the post-Barry Bonds era. Since leaving the majors in '06, Edgardo has played in Mexico and in the independent Atlantic League. While Alfonzo was always sure-handed in the field, he now must overcome his greatest hurdle, rice. Said Alfonzo, "I look forward to playing ball in Japan but I absolutely loathe rice! It's all they eat out there so it should definitely be interesting." Alfonzo plans on making a stop at the Smithsonian Museum prior to departing for Japan where he will be loading up on astronaut food so he can avoid eating rice for as long as humanly possible. We here at RV99 wish Edgardo all the luck and hope that in bringing a second suitcase filled with canned and dried foods to the Far East, he can just say no to rice while playing professionally with the Giants. Good luck, Edgardo, go get 'em slugger!

Knickerbockers Blow 7-point Lead in Closing Minute, Fall to Blazers

2009-02-09T11:24:00.002-05:00

Knicks Draw Huge Celebrity Crowd...or could it be LeBron??

2009-02-05T13:20:00.002-05:00

RV99 Celebrity Sightings of the Week

2009-02-05T13:14:00.002-05:00

'Cuse "Bears Down," Chews Apart Mountainers to End 3-Game Skid

2009-02-05T10:21:00.003-05:00

BREAKING NEWS: Roger Dorn Getting Old!

2009-02-04T13:29:00.002-05:00

Swimming Sensation Phelps Purchases Ornate Vase to Diplay Lovely Bouquet of Daisies

2009-02-03T09:26:00.003-05:00

Pedroia Family Reels in MVP Trophy, Child Molestation Charges

2009-01-27T14:00:00.004-05:00

This winter while Red Sox young second baseman Dustin Pedroia was celebrating improvements in his golf game after being ousted in the MLB Playoffs and also taking home the American League MVP Award, his older brother Brett was dealing with some issues of his own involving young adolescent boys and touching and kissing their wee-wee's. Woodland, California police say that 30-year-old Brett Pedroia was booked at the Yolo County jail Jan. 9 on two counts of oral copulation and lewd acts with a child under age 14. Both of these charges are felonies. He was released on $50,000 bail and a court hearing was set for Feb. 4. The crimes allegedly took place four years ago when the boy was just 8 years old, but the alleged victim only recently told one of his parents, who contacted authorities. Pedroia’s family owns a tire business in Woodland, a city of 53,000 people about 20 miles north of Sacramento. The defendant “may have worked for the family business.” Reportedly, Dustin Pedroia, 25, and his brother are not close and have not spoken in recent years and all of us here at RV99 would hope that once Dusty Pants has his first child, he keeps it as far away as humanly possible from his sick and perverted brother!

Grizzlies Fire Iavaroni, Name His Replacement

2009-01-23T14:43:00.003-05:00

In a shocking twist of events, Memphis Grizzlies have fired Head Coach Mike Iavaroni after a season and a half of constant losing and replaced him with Borat Sagdiyev, a Kazakhstani immigrant with absolutely no experience playing or coaching the game of basketball. After the Grizz attempted to lure lip-smacking babbling former coach Avery Johnson from the ESPN booth and the little sucker declined, management decided to go in a different direction. When contacted by the Associated Press, Grizzlies Owner Michael Heisley stated, "In an ever-changing international game, we were looking to bring aboard a coach with a different cultural background, even if he is not familiar with how to properly use an American toilet." This is the first known hiring of a coach in professional sports who admittedly does not even know the rules of the sport but Mr. U,S and A is ready to meet the challenge head-on. Said Borat, "Coach wear a suit...Borat wear suit. Coach have sexy time with ladies...Borat make sweet sexy love to prostitutes. Coach tell players to do good...Borat will do very good! Very niiiiiiice! You will love my sister! Chin qui!"

ESPN Having Language Issues

2009-01-23T13:52:00.001-05:00

Henderson, Rice Elected to Cooperstown

2009-01-12T14:41:00.004-05:00

Today it was announced that the Baseball Writers' Association of America have elected Rickey Henderson and Jim Rice (in his 15th and final season of eligibility) to the Baseball Hall of Fame Class of 2009. Henderson was the most prolific leadoff hitter of all time while Rice was simply a solid player for only 10 seasons (RV99 is really just bitter about a Red Sox player gaining entrance to Cooperstown). Some other notable stats from this year's voting: Andre "The Hawk" Dawson received 361 votes (67% of the needed 75% for election), Mark McGwire actually received less votes than last year, netting 118 votes (21.9%), Yankee Captain and fan favorite Don Mattingly received 64 votes (11.9%), and old-timer extraordinaire and long-time hurler Jesse "The Body" Orosco received a single vote (0.2%)! It has not yet been determined which writer voted for Orosco or the quality of crack he was smoking while placing this vote, but either way seeing Orosco's name on the ballot provided several minutes of laughs and constant reminders of all those old man jokes made while the hefty lefty pitched deep into his 40s for at least half the teams in the majors! If I had to guess as to which writer placed his vote for 'ol Jesse, my money is definitely on Buster Olney, who looks like he could swallow at least 2 bottles of Johnny Walker Black Label and stumble onto his computer to make this ridiculous vote. Leave it to a former Vermont dairy farmer to make this absurd selection, thanks Buster!

Eli Looks Like Little Boy As Eagles Pick Apart Struggling Giants Offense

2009-01-12T14:36:00.002-05:00

Happy New Year From Eddy Curry, a Beefy Burger and 2 Tasty Milkshakes!

2009-01-09T09:48:00.003-05:00

Ricky Vaughan is back for an exciting year in '09! Keep an eye out for more ridiculous and zany articles in the new year.

Deceased Trainer Cus D'Amato Discovered in Mike Tyson's Belly

2008-12-17T16:23:00.002-05:00

Show Me the Manny [in New York?]

2008-12-17T13:52:00.002-05:00

This Image Never Gets Old

2008-12-04T09:04:00.002-05:00

RV99 Quote of the Day

2008-12-03T10:50:00.002-05:00

"I am really happy to be back in Calgary, I love Canada. I just want to comment on how it's become like a common thing in the NHL for guys to fall in love with my sloppy seconds. I don't know what that's about. Enjoy the game tonight."

-- WHAT A GUY!

NRA Proudly Welcomes Newest Member

2008-12-02T15:48:00.004-05:00

This morning Charlton Heston, Sarah Palin, Dick Cheney and other very liberal high-ranking members of the NRA welcomed in their newest member, Mr. Plaxico Burress of the New York Football Giants (soon to be of the California Penal League). While Burress prefers the use of his handy .40-caliber Glock 9 weapon while attending church functions, leisurely strolls and games of backgammon at home, he is well-known for his love of rifles while hanging out with his homeboys in Michigan near his alma mater, Michigan State. "Yo son, I ain't a Spartan for nut'n," Burress intelligently explained to ESPN Senior Writer John Clayton. While initial reports stated that Mr. Clayton was with spotted with the Burress crew at the Latin Quarters on Saturday evening popping bottles of Cristal while scooping up honeys and singing along to his favorite Lil' Wayne beats, Clayton insists he was at home in Seattle "gettin' jiggy wit it." While most NRA members enjoy shooting at mail boxes and anyone who is not Caucasian, Burress was still welcomed with open arms and honored for his shooting prowess. Said Heston, "Any individual who is capable of shooting himself in the thigh by accident should be proudly recognized as an NRA member for life." If convinced, Burress faces a minimum of 3 1/2 years in prison and as much as 15 years if he finds himself facing a difficult judge such as Art Vandelay of Waltham, MA. Reached by the Associated Press by phone prior to turning himself into authorities on Monday, Plaxico made the following statement: "I is innocent, ya know what I'm saying. It be false accasation with this whole thing with the glock, I ain't never even use one of them guns. I just want to thank the lord Jesus Christ for giving me the strength to play football at such a high level. I hope that Mayor Mr. Bloomberg eats his words because I be playing in de super bowl again dis year. I just wanna send a shout out to my girl Shaqueepha, my moms, my boy lil' Ray Ray, and all the folks over at the Popeye's on Atlantic Ave. in Brooklyn. Yo son, we be eatin' mad biscuits after this one, Plax is gonna win this case. Peace!" And so it stands, Plaxico Burress...college graduate, Pro Bowl Wide Receiver, Super Bowl Champion, loving father and devout Christian puts his stamp on life, the streets, thug life and the NRA. Now the fate of this kind gentleman rests with the legal system in the wonderful state of New York.

Interesting Ailment for Vincent Jackson

2008-11-19T13:52:00.002-05:00

According to Yahoo Sports, San Diego Chargers Wide Receiver Vincent Jackson has been afflicted by the ailment of "dropitis." Hopefully this injury is not serious enough for a visit to Dr. James Andrews of Birmingham, Alabama!

Starting 11 of Ridiculous Names in Football

2008-11-18T16:30:00.012-05:00

1. BenJarvus Green-Ellis (RB - New England Patriots)
2. Marshawn Lynch (RB - Buffalo Bills)
3. LenDale White (RB - Tennessee Titans)
4. Craphonso Thorpe (WR - Kansas City Chiefs
5. Plaxico Burress (WR - New York Giants)
6. Devery Henderson (WR - New Orleans Saints)
7. Braylon Edwards (WR - Cleveland Browns)
8. DeSean Jackson (WR - Philadelphia Eagles)
9. Visanthe Shiancoe (TE - Minnesota Vikings)
10. Ladell Betts (RB - Washington Redskins)
11. D'Qwell Jackson (LB - Cleveland Browns)

Knicks Tickets! Get your Knicks Tickets Here!

2008-11-14T11:27:00.003-05:00

In another sad move for New York Knicks fans, supporters and members of the organization, tickets are now available at your local Costco...that's right, Costco! Marc Berman of the NY Post wrote in today's paper how the Knicks are exploring new avenues of revenue in this tough economy and for the first time in known history, have established a partnership with Costco to sell packages of 2 tickets to customers at a rate of 40% off for 300-level nose bleed seats. $70 gets you 2 seats upstairs for any game except for the good one's against Boston, Denver, Cleveland, Golden State, etc, etc, etc. If anyone is looking for mediocre seats to watch the mediocre Knicks play any of the other mediocre teams in the NBA, get your Costco membership started NOW!

RV99 Weekly Celebrity Sighting (with her dog, Licorice)

2008-11-14T10:25:00.003-05:00

Jets Knock Off Pats, Take Firm Control of First Place in AFC East as Mangini Teaches The Art of Hugging

2008-11-14T10:18:00.008-05:00

Starting Lineup of Ridiculous Names in Sports

2008-11-13T14:55:00.006-05:00

Point Guard - Knowshon Moreno
Shooting Guard - JaMarcus Russell
Center - D'Brickashaw Ferguson
Power Forward - LaMarcus Aldredge
Small Forward - Jamario Moon
6th Man - DeMarcus Ware

Let's add all of these names to the 2009 Book of Baby Names! I plan to name my first born Knowshon Vaughan, it's got a nice ring to it!

Knicks Winning Games, Losing at Marketing...

2008-11-13T11:49:00.001-05:00

I bet that "Denver Pistons" game is really selling out fast!

Rangers Keep Winning Despite Young Fan Base

2008-11-07T15:22:00.004-05:00

The 11-4 first place Rangers are putting together a very impressive start to the 2008-09 season which began in Prague by beating the crap out of the lowly Tampa Bay Lightning. Last night the 'Ning had their shot at revenge but it was clear who the better hockey team was (not them). Rangers captain Chris Drury had his second career hat trick and first as a Ranger while Henrik Lundqvist impressed yet again with 36 big saves against Barry Melrose and his mulletuous team. While the Rangers keep rolling, ticket prices at MSG have skyrocketed. With the recent woes on Wall St. the corporate boxes have become available for purchase to the Rangers fan base. As shown in the background in the photo above following Ryan Callahan's first period goal last night, little kiddies are buying up all the extra primo seats for the remainder of the season. Asked where he got the funds to purchase the $312 face value front row seat, little Joey LaFemina (shown right in white Rangers road jersey) had a laundry list of chores he has been brushing up on lately which included pickpocketing tourists in midtown, money laundering and my personal favorite pimping himself out to the local elementary school girls. "It's mostly the Asian chicks and the fat slobs who need my lovin'," young Joey so eloquently explained. So there you have it, in a tough time for America's economy, young children are stealing and pimpin' in order to see their favorite hockey team win games. Is this morally ethical one might ask? Probably not, but if little Joey can stay out of the California Penal League I say keep doing what you're doing, Joey!

Friday Name Game

2008-11-07T15:06:00.003-05:00

Who will have the most success on Sunday?

a) New Detroit Lions QB Daunte Culpepper
b) Jacksonville Radio Personality and Barbecue aficionado Cole Pepper
c) Crisp vegetable Green Pepper

Send your votes in now!

Jackson Plays Flowbee-like Defense

2008-11-07T11:56:00.004-05:00

It SUCKS while it cuts (off Carmelo's braids!). Talk about a great 'stache on this guy!

Knicks Win in Season Opener / Q-Tip Concert / Soprano's Reunion

2008-10-30T13:23:00.004-04:00

Daly Arrested Following Hooterrific Night

2008-10-30T12:55:00.004-04:00

It has been known for years that John Daly loves booze, cigarettes and strip clubs. Now we all know he's a fan of Hooters as well, as shown this weekend by his antics at a Winston-Salem, NC Hooters restaurant. The portly golfer got so hammered on Saturday night that he blacked out at 1am and paramedics were called to the scene. Daly refused to go to the hospital with paramedics so as Hooters closed, the police were called in to take Daly to jail while the fat slob sobered up. This is a prime example of a Role Model my friends, we all have a lot to learn from this wonderful and respectable human being!

Knicks Unveil Unrivaled Opening Night Promotion

2008-10-23T15:22:00.003-04:00

So Long, Dirty Player

2008-10-22T13:35:00.003-04:00

First Tom Brady...then Laurence Maroney...now Rodney Harrison. As the stars of the New England Patriots slowly fall down, has anyone stopped to think maybe these guys got what they deserved? Brady is a cocky S.O.B. and everybody knows that. Maroney gets a pass here since he is young and has no super bowl rings. While Brady is my most hated athlete in sports, Harrison is a close second. Does anyone remember he was suspended last season for using HGH? For some strange reason, Rodney seemed to get a pass when it came to his use of illegal performance-enhancing substances. While the entire universe looked down upon all the baseball players mentioned in the Mitchell Report, everyone failed to notice that Harrison was abusing these substances just as much if not more than the next guy. The human body tends to break down following years of steroid and HGH use and this is exactly what happened to Rodney. The Boston Globe and other media outlets are reporting today that the torn quad suffered on Monday night has ended his season and "for all intents and purposes" his career as well. No tears being shed today by RV99 for the self-proclaimed dirtiest player in football. Harrison is not a first ballot hall of famer, he is not a pro bowler anymore and he is far from a class act. I hope the man disappears out of the game and we never hear from him again. Good riddens, dirty player!

RV99 Weeky Celebrity Sightings

2008-10-22T13:20:00.003-04:00

Keira Knightley and Liv Tyler really need to stop taking the expression "mix in a salad" so literally!

Lesson to All: Do NOT Urinate Near Karaoke Establishment

2008-10-17T14:22:00.003-04:00

In society today, there are many unspoken truths and "deals" in which people and animals are aware of. The most obvious of these rules in by no means are you to urinate outside of a karaoke club. Just like George Costanza and his so-called deal with the pidgeons (WE HAD A DEAL!), Chinese Ping Pong Gold Medalist Wang Hao, found himself quite flustered after the incident that occurred early Monday morning in China. Said Hao (through a translator): "I found myself overcome with joy that Toothless Rick the Karaoke guy had all my favorite hits - Living on a Prayer, My Father's Eyes, The Titanic Song, Gettin' Jiggy Wit It and Black Balloon, just to name a few. Prior to going up on stage to show the audience my singing skills are up to par with my ping ponging, I needed to "tinkle my winkle." Rather than just use the restroom, which is no fun at all, I decided to water the plants outside the karaoke bar. Apparently the staff was none too pleased with my attempts to improve the health of the grass outside and I was detained." Let this be a lesson to young Chinese ping pong players and people around the world who enjoy urinating outside.

Sports Hair of the Week

2008-10-01T11:35:00.003-04:00

Now that is one angry man, that Al Davis! Yesterday afternoon the Owner of the Oakland Raiders made a very public appearance shortly after firing head coach Lane Kiffin and replacing him with Offensive Line Coach Tom Cable. While Davis mentioned lies and distrust at the main reasons for Kiffin's dismissal, one has to ponder the deeper roots (no pun intended) of the issue: Al Davis's MAGIC HAIR!

As Crazy Al gets older and older, he never loses that infamous "luster" with his jet black, slicked-back hair. These days a touch of silver has been added to the sides so that Davis's hair is clearly displaying the silver and black, Raiders team colors. While a good portion of his hair has fallen out over the years, Davis still uses the same 200-gram aerosol can of Armorall Wheel Protectant each day - 2 coats after his morning shower, 2 more just before arriving at work, 2 at lunch, 2 before dinner and one final coat before bed just for good luck!

While his decision not to bring chunkster Art Shell back for a third tenure with the organization was a good one, the jury is still out on former Idaho Head Coach and long-time NFL assistant Cable, who has the same amount of NFL head coaching experience Kiffin had prior to taking the same post (none). Aside from the magnitude and magnetism of Mr. Davis's hair, the other surprising move of the day came when Kiffin was dismissed for cause (conduct detrimental to the team) and therefore his termination came with no further payments from the team. This issue will surely be settled with NFL arbitrators but in a similar move in the 1980s, Davis fired now Broncos Head Coach Mike Shanahan and to this day Shanny is still yet to receive what he is owed for the remainder of his Raiders contract.

That all being said, Al Davis is this week's RV99 Hair of the Week winner and for his excellence in grease and Armorall use, this bud's for you, Al!

Titans of New York Coach Eric Mangini Attempts to Remember if he has Consumed 2 or 3 First Half Hot Dogs

2008-09-29T11:16:00.005-04:00

Mets Make Bizarre Decision to Celebrate Shea Stadium Following Season Collapse

2008-09-29T10:56:00.004-04:00

As the New York Mets inched closer and closer to a second consecutive season collapse, it was time for them to send the dump of a ballpark, Shea Stadium, out in style. Who better than Darryl and Doc, Seaver and Harrelson, Piazza and Hernandez? (sarcasm) While not an overly impressive roster of hall of famers and past greats, the Metropolitans are still a New York franchise and have a very large and rather homosexual fan base.

Sunday marked the final regular season game at Shea, and while fans have come to embrace the inexpensively built park over the past 30+ years, it is still by far the worst park in the majors. The most odd decision made was for the Mets organization to hold a Sayonara Celebration not prior to, but rather after the final game which also happened to be the final loss and final collapse for the lowly Mets at Shea. Prior to the game there was at least some hope for the Mets to advance to the postseason. Going into Sunday's action they were tied with the Milwaukee Brewers in the Wild Card and needed a win to stay alive, possibly making yet another game at Shea on Monday against the Brew Crew to determine who advances and who goes home. Johan Santana pitched a masterful game on Saturday to keep the Mets alive with a 2-0 victory but unfortunately the Venezuelan ace is not able to pitch every single game for New York's second best team. In the end, the Mets fell yet again to the pathetic Florida Marlins and packed their bags for the winter, however there was still a completely uncomfortable and poorly timed stadium sendoff celebration to look forward to beforehand! Said Jacob Wolper-Gosler-Costanza, a lifelong Mets fan and Shea dweller: "Winning my fantasy baseball leagues really helped a lot knowing I won over $1,000 while also knowing how absolutely terrible the Mets are. Is it TACO NIGHT again?!?!"

RV99 Weekly Celebrity Sighting

2008-09-29T10:53:00.003-04:00

Having brunch at the Pink Tea Cup in the west village (he was wearing a shirt!)

BREAKING NEWS: Brady's Knee Still a Freakin' Mess

2008-09-16T14:59:00.002-04:00

This may never get old...

RV99 Weekly Celebrity Sighting

2008-09-16T14:43:00.003-04:00

Yesterday afternoon, RV99 went in to see his local barber Rocco for a little trim job, and who came waltzing in to the shop two minutes later?? You guessed it, none other than James "Tony Soprano" Gandolfini sans NY/mafia accent! A miserable human being even with his wealth and accolades, Big T did not look up a single time from his Daily News during his haircut for RV99 to say something ridiculous and obnoxious...what a shame!

Halloween is Right Around the Corner...

2008-09-14T13:43:00.002-04:00

Get your "flaming" Sam Champion jack-o-lantern NOW while supplies last!!!

Sports Mustache of the Month - Starvin' Marvin Harrison

2008-09-12T15:38:00.004-04:00

While thick and bushy mustaches are more common these days at NASCAR and Demolition Derby events around the Syracuse area, this SU alum sports one of the cleanest looking 'staches in sports. Marvin Daniel Harrison, Peyton Manning's go-to wide receiver since being drafted out of Syracuse in 1996, is one with the mustache. The Philadelphia native has made a career out of keeping his mouth shut while hauling in numerous catches, Pro-Bowls and chicks in every NFL city. In 2002, Harrison shattered Herman Moore's single season receptions record by 20. He finished with 143 catches and over 1,700 yards. Starvin' Marvin had a tough year in 2007 where he was hampered by a knee injury that forced him out most of the season. Now in 2008, Marvin is back on the block with something to prove aside from growing a very neat and clean mustache (and being an excellent milk drinker as displayed in the photo above!). For your receiving talents, milk drinking capabilities and most importantly mustachial grace, RV99 awards Marvin Harrison as the September 2008 Mustache of the Month!

RV99 Weekly Celebrity Sighting

2008-09-12T15:32:00.004-04:00

Never known as a large physical specimen, it was amazing to see Tiki Barber's shrimpy 5'7" frame in person. While Tiki is a big fan of the cheese smile, not until seeing him at a Manhattan restaurant this week did I know the former running back was such a big BBQ fan!

1st Place Jets...

2008-09-08T18:44:00.002-04:00

Daunte Culpepper Part Two??

2008-09-08T18:30:00.003-04:00

Hideki Irabu, Former Fat Pussy Toad, Arrested in Japan

2008-08-20T14:05:00.004-04:00

In one of the year's most bizarre and hilarious episodes, former Yankee pitcher Hideki Irabu has been arrested recently in his native Japan. The 39-year-old Irabu apparently drank 20 mugs of beer in a bar in Osaka, western Japan, and then became violent against the bartender. The Fat Pussy Toad became angered after his credit card was rejected. He then allegedly pushed the bartender against the wall, pulled his hair and smashed at least nine liquor bottles. The bartender sustained no injuries. Irabu paid the bill with another credit card. The police official said Irabu admitted the assault but swore that he was not wearing any of his infamous body magnets while laying the beatdown on the bartender.

Did RV99 Mention Brett Favre is a Jet?!?

2008-08-07T11:17:00.003-04:00

Get your official Brett Favre New York Jets Jersey, Home or Away!

New York Brett's

2008-08-07T00:11:00.003-04:00

Get ready for the fun ride, Jets fans!

Favre Cancels Retirement, Comes Back on Some Geek's Wall as a Fat Head

2008-08-04T22:04:00.003-04:00

RV99 Monday Evening Quote

2008-08-04T21:40:00.005-04:00

(From former Yankee pitching legend and current YES Network broadcaster David Cone, after Jason Giambi shaved his mercurial and wondrous mustache) "...and Giambi homers much to the dismay of the American Mustache Institute!"

Way to go Coney, it's great to see the enthusiasm in the booth and was even more fantastic to see you on the hill this past Saturday at the final Old Timer's Day at the old Yankee Stadium! As our good friend Luis Sojo used to say (with incredibly thick and funny accent), "Hey Coney, why don't you have a dance?!?

Sports Mustache of the Month

2008-08-01T15:02:00.005-04:00

A familiar face has turned up in a new place. Salvatore Frank Fasano, aka "The Greatest Mustache in Baseball" has made the rounds throughout Major League Baseball, most recently landing in Cleveland as the backup backstop behind Kelly Shoppach. In a special honor to the Syracuse Basketball legend, Big Fat Sal has donned the #44 for Derrick Coleman. Always a huge DC fan, it is great to see Sal and his mustache back in the big leagues. A veteran since 1996, Fasano has played for nine MLB teams including the Royals, Athletics, Rockies, Angels, Phillies, Yankees, Blue Jays and now the Indians. A lifetime .222 hitter, Sal is known more for his stellar defensive but most for his fantastic upper lip fuzz that is always very creative and hairy. At 36 years of age it is unknown how much more baseball the Chicago native has left in those legs and that 'stache of his but at this moment in time, we should all sit back and cherish every moment in which we get to watch Sal on TV.

Artest, Yao to Produce New Rap Album Entitled "HomeBoys"

2008-08-01T10:47:00.003-04:00

New teammates Yao Ming and Ron Artest have been jawing at each other through media sources this past week after the Houston Rockets' recent acquisition of the troubled power forward. Yao made a comment about hoping Ron-Ron isn't taking swings at fans in the stands anymore while Artest responded by saying that Yao doesn't yet understand how ghetto he is...apparently this is not the case as it was announced this morning by VIBE Magazine that the two will be teamming up in the hip-hop studio following the Olympics in Beijing as Yao will be adding his Chinese flavor to Artest's second rap album entitled "HomeBoys." Think Lil' Wayne meets Pavarotti...the talent these two musical geniuses bring to the rap game should breed nervousness to already successful hip hop moguls like Kanye West and Sean P. Diddy Combs. While Artest and Yao already have successful financial careers, their true passion for brotherhood and hip hop should raise their games on and off the court.

Manny to be Manny in LA-LA Land, Torre Sells Soul to Devil in Acquiring Worst Teammate in Pro Sports

2008-07-31T16:52:00.003-04:00

Pudge Traded to Yanks, Now Must Trade in Unattractive Wife for New One

2008-07-31T16:37:00.003-04:00

My sincere apologies to all of my fans for the recent layoff on blogging. It has been a crazy month for RV99 with the trade deadline approaching but now that it has passed and Manny is still a filthy scumbag, please come back to rickyvaughn99.blogspot.com for all your sports spoof needs!

Billy Packer Out at CBS, UNC Fans Rejoice

2008-07-14T14:22:00.001-04:00

Terribly Upsetting News: Crossbows Banned from Olympic Venues in Beijing

2008-07-14T14:04:00.002-04:00

MLB Hires Old-Timer to Bring Ted Williams' Brain to Fan Fest in New York

2008-07-12T08:32:00.003-04:00

So is it in the Mini Mate cooler or in the fashion-statement fanny pack?!?

Sports Hair of the Week

2008-07-10T15:43:00.002-04:00

Hockey fans around the globe all wish Jaromir Jagr well as he leaves the National Hockey League behind to pursue a hockey career in Russia with the same franchise where he played three years ago during the NHL lockout. Always one of the games best and most well-known players, Jagr had a very successful career on the East Coast with the Pittsburgh Penguis, Washington Capitals and New York Rangers. While his locks were not as glorious towards the tail end of his career, as a younster J.J. boasted one of the greatest mullets in hockey history. In a sport where the mullet is a common as a 12-letter last name, Jagr's was still that damn impressive. Not only did Jagr's hair have the imperative "business in the front and a party in the back" look, but the flowing curls and very lengthy back truly made this a wonder of mankind. NHL fans will miss the Czech native and the New York Rangers must move on without their captain. Let's all wish Jaromir the best of luck in the future and a giant RV99 shout-out for his mulletuous fortunes over the past two decades.

Knickerbockers Land Hard-Working PG Duhon With Mid-Level Exception

2008-07-10T12:20:00.004-04:00

Jason Giambi 'Support the Stache' Campaign Really Heating Up

2008-07-10T12:11:00.002-04:00

Jags WR Jones Affirms Jay-Z Lyrics

2008-07-10T11:56:00.003-04:00

"...So much coke that you could run the slalom!"

Chestnut Repeats. Drops Kobayashi in Dog Off OT

2008-07-05T11:25:00.003-04:00

While things were different, the result was the same. This year Kobayashi no longer had the injured jaw excuse, nor did he have the final 2 minutes of the Famous Nathan's Hot Dog Eating Contest. What he did have though was tremendous heart in the 10-minute contest where the 6-time champ tied last year's winner, Joey Chestnut. However, in the 5 hot dog Dog Off, Takeru was no match for Joey as Chestnut swallowed five wieners faster than you can say "Corn Dog!" While Kobayashi is a talented and amazing athlete, the future looks very bright for the California native Chestnut who has taken the Major League Eating circuit by storm.

Siyonara Sean Avery

2008-07-02T16:32:00.002-04:00

Today is a sad day for Rangers fans as the team officially bids adieu to the heart and soul of the franchise, the one and only Sean Avery. A fan-favorite and RV99 heart throb, Avery went above and beyond the call of duty in his Rangers tenure as displayed by playing his final game with a ruptured spleen. Today Avery signed a 4 year $15.5 million contract with the Dallas Stars. On behalf of Rangers and Avery fans worldwide, I'd like to congratulate and wish Sean nothing but the best while he looks for dumb, slutty women down in Dallas...should not be very difficult!

Clippers Reportedly Sign Kanye West to 5-year $65 million deal

2008-07-02T10:18:00.003-04:00

Chacon Ties Sprewell In Grabbing Authority by the Neck

2008-06-26T09:56:00.003-04:00

First it was Latrell Sprewell choking his own coach PJ Carlisimo in Golden State and now Shawn Chacon follows in Spree's footsteps by grabbing Astros General Manager Ed Wade by the throat and throwing him to the ground. Chacon, upset after getting demoted to the bullpen over the weekend, told the Houston Chronicle this problem began when Wade saw him in the dining room before the game against Texas. Wade wanted to meet with Chacon in manager Cecil Cooper's office. It escalated when Wade began chewing Chacon out, screaming at him in the dining hall in front of several other players. Chacon then told Wade, who is a little squirty looking sucker, to look in the mirror and after a few more verbal blows, Chacon lost his cool and physically assaulted the tiny man. The Astros have suspended Chacon indefinitely for insubordination and it is not clear whether he will ever pitch for the team again and the pitcher is also concerned about his future in major league baseball after this defining incident.

Chacon signed a $2 million, one-year contract with Houston in February after spending 2007 with Pittsburgh. He split time as a starter and a reliever there and was 5-4 with a 3.94 ERA and one save in 64 appearances with the Pirates.

BREAKING NEWS: This Guy Named Real "Champion" in Sam's Eyes

2008-06-24T16:39:00.004-04:00

Mulletastic! Melrose Returns to the Bench to Coach Lightning

2008-06-24T09:49:00.003-04:00

In board rooms in Bristol, CT today ESPN big wigs are shedding tears for the loss of their #1 NHL analyst, the one and only flowing mulletuous Barry Melrose. While Barry is still alive, healthy and kickin', he has decided to leave the all-sports network to become Head Coach of the Tampa Bay Lightning. Melrose began his coaching career in 1987 when he led the Medicine Hat Tigers to the WHL's Memorial Cup Title. He also coached the Seattle Thunderbirds for the 1988-89 season and the Adirondack Red Wings of the American Hockey League for three seasons (1989-92). Melrose guided the Red Wings to the Calder Cup championship in 1991. He also served as the team's general manager during his final two seasons. While he is certainly known for his knowledge of the sport of hockey and impressive coaching resume, EVERYONE and their mother knows about Barry's sweet, precious, beautiful, well-groomed mullet!

Strahan Expected to 'Fill the Gap' With New FOX Sports Gig

2008-06-24T09:45:00.001-04:00

Francesa. Russo Consider Ending Mike & The Mad Dog Show to Pursue Joint-Venture Sauce Company

2008-06-23T15:57:00.005-04:00

RV99 Anna Benson Photo of the Day

2008-06-23T15:11:00.002-04:00

Batter up!

The Cedric Benson Booze-Hound Stories Roll on...

2008-06-23T14:57:00.002-04:00

Recently released former Chicago Bears RB Cedric Benson has had a very eventful offseason which began with his intoxicated boating arrest, escalated to a DWI arrest and concluded with his outright release from the Bears organization due to these behavioral and alcohol-induced problems. On May 3, the former Texas star was charged with boating while intoxicated on Lake Travis and resisting arrest. A few weeks later, he was charged with driving while intoxicated when he was pulled over in downtown Austin. Now the teamless alkie has been instructed to install an ignition lock breathalyzer in his car. This way, Cedric the Booze Hound will not physically be able to drive his car while blacked out and looking for underage hookers. Thank goodness for the justice system!

Yankee Fans Cheer Farny's Injury

2008-06-23T10:35:00.004-04:00

In the 8th inning of yesterday's 4-1 Yankee victory, there was a loud applause at the stadium as Yankee trainer and certified P.I.M.P. Gene Monahan came trotting out of the dugout. While "Monny" justifiably deserves a round of applause from the 57,000+ attendees, the intelligent fan base in the Bronx was actually cheering for the injury that just happened to everyone's favorite Yankee to hate, Kyle Farnsworth. While his ERA is a tolerable 4.24, Farny has replaced Joba Chamberlain as the Yankees' setup man and bridge to future HOF closer Mariano Rivera. He is no Joba Chamberlain, or Tom Gordon, or Paul Quantrill or Mike Stanton even. He probably has better "stuff" than all the guys with the exception of Joba, but it has always been a mental thing with Farny. His fastball has great velocity and strong movement but he always seems to surrender big home run and the worst possible times and the Yankee fan base is never afraid to let him know how they feel. Case in point yesterday afternoon, as the crowd roared after Farnsworth was hurt trying to stop a ground ball with his bare hand, an honest, natural reaction but one that pitchers are always told never to do. It has been reported that Kyle cut the webbing in between his pinky and ring finger and it is not yet known how long the Wichita, Kansas native will be out. One thing manager Joe Girardi does know and that's the fact he needs to send someone out in the 8th inning of a close game that he has supreme confidence in. Is that man Kyle Farnsworth? Perhaps. The fans will certainly say no, and former manager Joe Torre would probably agree with those fans. Can young relievers Edwar Ramirez, Ross Ohlendorf and Jose Veras be groomed for these duties? These are all good questions the Bombers will need to hammer out answers to over the next few months but until that decision is made, it's time for the bats to get hot and get some run support for the thin crop of pitchers on this year's roster.

Blue Jays Fire Gibbons, Name Art Shell New Manager

2008-06-20T15:22:00.002-04:00

Get In My Belly! Schill Shelved for the Season

2008-06-20T10:16:00.005-04:00

It has been a rough week for American League East pitchers as Anchorage, Alaska native Curt Schilling joins Chien-Ming Wang on the "Oh Crap He's Done for a While" list. At 41 years of age, the big chunky right hander may be getting dangerously close to the end of the road. Interviewed this morning on WEEI-AM (some crappy Boston radio station, I presume), Schill announced that he is slated for season-ending shoulder surgery on Monday and after 20 seasons in the major leagues and no contract for the 2009 season, this has all the indications that Curt intends to hang up his cleats at season's end. ESPN.com lists Schilling at 6'5" 225 lbs, a similar falsification to David Wells' listed height and weight. While he tips the scales at nearly three bills, Schill justifies the 225 number because that was his weight at his high school graduation. "The Big Unit (seen LEFT, about to lock lips with Schilling) has a big crush on me so I must be a real fox! When we were together in Arizona his beautiful flowing mullet and mustache combo was irresistible!" When asked what he intends to do with his fat ass once his career is over Schill pointed to his passion for World War II memorabilia and his love for barbecuing. "Basically, if I can wear camo and roll around the ground while grilling kobe beef steaks and chatting about how great John McCain is, I'd be a real happy bastard."

A-Rod Gets Tips Frosted, Then Learns How to Play Guitar

2008-06-19T16:28:00.003-04:00

[Insert 'I miss Bernie Williams' quote here]

Sports Hair of the Week

2008-06-19T11:32:00.003-04:00

Queue up the Shaft music because here comes the man, the myth, the legend, the one and only Oscar Gamble! The greatest 'fro is sports history takes home the honorary RV99 Sports Hair of the Week Award for his annual contributions at Yankees Old Timer's Day and more importantly, simply for being awesome. Properly nicknamed "The Big O" by Yankee legend Phil Rizzuto, Gamble paraded around the bases for 17 seasons from 1969-1985, a career that spanned three decades in the big leagues with seven different ball clubs - the Chicago White Sox and New York Yankees on two separate occasions, as well as the Chicago Cubs, Philadelphia Phillies, Cleveland Indians, San Diego Padres, and Texas Rangers. Gamble, whose hitting prowess was overshadowed by his famously large Afro hair, has the distinction of logging the last hit and RBI at Philadelphia's Connie Mack Stadium on October 1, 1970. His 10th-inning single gave the Phillies the 2-1 win in the stadium's final game. Gamble also finished an impressive career with more career walks (610) than strikeouts (546). For all the reasons stated above, Oscar Charles Gamble will always remain in the hearts of New York baseball fans and hopefully one day will proudly display his Hair of the Week prestigious award on his freshly waxed mantle.

Ode to the Yankee Stadium Hot Dog

2008-06-19T10:30:00.003-04:00

Following the single greatest hot dog of my Yankee Stadium career last night (hell how can I lie...I had 2!), let's look back on the some of the great hot dog moments from the House That Ruth Built:

The Return of.......Big Fat Sid to the Bronx, Even He Can't Believe it

2008-06-19T09:24:00.002-04:00

Sick move, Cashman!

Classless Mets Dump Willie at 3:12am Following Third Win in Four Games

2008-06-17T10:44:00.007-04:00

Now former Mets Manager Willie Randolph can breathe a sigh of relief that he has been put out of his misery. A man on the hot seat since the infamous Collapse of 2007, Randolph's job security has waned down with each loss and recently with each multi-game losing streak. It got so bad that the other day it was rumored that Willie was speaking with team management encouraging them to promote someone from his staff once he was inevitably dismissed. While they took Willie's advice and promoted Bench Coach Jerry Manuel to Interim Manager, it was a disgusting way in which to fire a manager who came only one out away from bringing his team to the World Series just two seasons ago when Cardinals' light-hitting catcher Yadier [name that] Molina blasted a game-winning home run to send the Mets packed for the winter. Randolph has always been the fall-guy with Mets management and even with their fans. A Yankee at heart, Willie has struggled with some managerial decisions since moving over to the National League and leading the Metropolitans. Most notably, the double switch has always been a true quagmire to the mustachial Randolph. However, the way in which the Mets told Willie to take a hike will never be forgotten by baseball fans and New Yorkers alike. The franchise let their lame duck manager make the cross-country flight to Anaheim, where he managed the team to a 9-6 victory on Monday night against the Angels. Following the game, Randolph met with members of the media and answered questions. He discussed the encouraging victory and how the team needs to creep its way back to the .500 to compete with the Phillies and the rest of the NL East. When he returned to the team hotel, General Manager Omar Minaya was waiting with an axe. Pitching coach Rick Pederson and first base coach Tom Nieto were also let go and replaced by coaches promoted from the Mets' farm system. Players were in shock as displayed by backup catcher Ramon Castro's quote in the team's hotel lobby: "I'm in shock. I don't know what to say." Minaya is scheduled to speak at a 2pm press conference today at Angel Stadium where he will announce the promotion of Manuel. In the 3 1/2 years as Mets manager, Randolph returned the team to contention and helped mentor young players like David Wright and Jose Reyes while grooming them into major league talents. Willie didn't deserve to go out like this and the Mets do deserve what's coming to them - a roster of elderly, over-paid, under-performing scrubs who aren't even worth the price of a soggy stale hot dog at the crappiest ballpark in baseball. Randolph had already been selected by NL All-Star Game Manager Clint Hurdle to join his staff at Yankee Stadium next month and I hope he shows up in pinstripes to receive a Lou Gehrig-esque response from the appreciative and knowledgeable Yankee Stadium crowd as there is always a spot on Joe Girardi's staff for an excellent baseball mind like Willie Randolph.

RV99 Exclusive: Stephon Marbury Spotted on Bleecker & Broadway With Mr. Softee

2008-06-12T22:53:00.002-04:00

Pepto, Please! Fenway Park Concessions Fail City Health Inspections

2008-06-12T16:22:00.004-04:00

Yuck! The concessions at Fenway Park are looking eerily similar to the performance of the Red Sox from 1919-2003. This week, the New York Times released a study of best and worst food options at many MLB stadiums across the country and the Fenway hot dogs were clearly listed in the DO NOT EAT category. While the poor concessions rating was a disappointment for Massholes worldwide, this new information just released has got to make New Englanders' stomachs quiver. Fenway Park's food stands, operated by Aramark, "flunked city health inspections on more than a dozen health and safety measurements on Red Sox opening day April 8, from storing food at unsafe temperatures to failing to clean food preparation counters," according to a front-page piece by John Drake of the BOSTON GLOBE. Violations were "significant enough to pose a risk of food poisoning for patrons, even though they had virtually the same set of problems in an examination more than a week earlier and demanded corrective action." Bottom line is if you have been avoiding the food at Fenway, keep doing so!

Jose Can You See? Papi Officially Becomes US Citizen

2008-06-12T11:37:00.005-04:00

Red Sox slugger and Dominican Republic national hero David Ortiz yesterday officially became a United States citizen at the John F. Kennedy Library in Dorchester, MA. In a ceremony that included 227 immigrants, Ortiz raised his right hand and took the Oath of Citizenship. Big Papi has a lot of free time on his hands these days as he collects his hefty paycheck while healing his left wrist on the 15-day disabled list. When pressed by reporters, Ortiz did not discuss the finer points of citizenship. He did not endorse a presidential candidate or give an indication for whom he would be casting his ballot."My whole family, kids, and everyone have been born here," Ortiz said. "It's a great country, proud to be here, now proud to be a part of it." Ortiz's hot wife, Tiffany (pictured right), added: "It's a big deal for him. It's really important and I'm really proud of him." (RV99 Comment: What an overly exciting quote!) John Shattuck, CEO of the John F. Kennedy Library Foundation, recognized Ortiz at the start of the ceremony, saying that the slugger had "done more than almost anyone to help the people of Boston and the nation far beyond to realize our hopes and dreams and opportunities by what he does and who he is, especially when he steps up to the plate at Fenway." The BoSox hope this ceremony will improve Papi's 2008 performance, which has been well below par for the big fella who is currently batting .252 with 13 home runs and 43 RBI.